I write, therefore I blog

I have moved!!!

2006-09-17T21:08:00.000-04:00

finally. my new site at http://www.alimartell.com is up and ready.

so, i will be leaving this site for bigger and better things.

so, if you are here and not here, you are in the wrong place.

please check out my new digs at: http://www.alimartell.com

and now for something completely different...

2006-09-15T10:34:00.000-04:00

here it is.
the moment you've all been waiting for...
my first recap of the tv season. survivor.
(this may get lost when i switch over to my new blog...but i have no idea when that will be...so i may as well get it up over here...and bring on the snark)

~~ Flicka (the rollergirl) is the new Courtney (the fire dancer), only more annoying and dumb. the chickens? i seriously would have beaten the crap out of her. and was she the one who said, "go Whiteys?"
~~ i totally thought Cao boi was introducing himself as "cowboy" as some sort of nickname - anyone else? no? just me? "You have some bad wind" snerk.
~~ he. ozzy in the tree like mowgli in the jungle book. hilarious!
~~ did you see Nate's face light up when Jeff gave them flint. who needs seiku and his hypothetical fire, anyway...
~~ chicken man=judd lite
~~ and the "cuddle puddle"? if it was that cold, why were their shirts off?
~~ and what did he say...Karma is a bizzle? abysmal? anyone catch that?

I sat on top of Jude Law

2006-09-14T09:39:00.000-04:00

oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god.
seriously. the one freakin' time i forget my camera. seriously. i take that thing everywhere. everywhere. but, yesterday i totally forgot that i was going straight downtown after work to the film festival. and i forgot my camera.

so i have no pictures.
no pictures of the line outside Roy Thompson Hall
no pictures of the losers walking around with tvs strapped to their backs so people in line could watch flim festival footage.
no pictures of the 7 girls from Manchester who we stood in line with and sat with (and were just as Jude-obsessed as i am)
no pictures of the red carpet.
or of Anthony Minghella
or Robin Wright Penn
or Juliette Binoche
or Jude Law.
mmmmm...Jude Law.

he's gorgeous in person, folks. gorgeous.

and during the movie screening, Breaking and Entering, which was great, by the way, i highly recommend, we were sitting right above the cast. i spied on Jude as he whispered to his castmates. and wondered who the girl sitting next to him was. it was not Sienna Miller. or his nanny friend. he was there alone. in a gorgeous dark blue suit and brown pointy shoes. HOT.
and after the movie screening, the husband waited for me as i was the last person out of the building. well, i and the Manchester girls, were the last ones out. we found a prime spot where we could see Sir Jude shmoozing it up with the VIPs. ah...to be a VIP.

13 of the most unnecessary baby products

2006-09-14T08:55:00.000-04:00

Thirteen of the most unnecessary baby products
at least for me. i'm sure this will be different for everyone.

1. Peg Perego high chair.

we got the White leatherette. big mistake. big. the tray was too high for my little ones to feed themselves because they couldn't reach the food. the tray was also way too far away from their bodies that they would drop all the food into their laps. also, it was impossible to clean. i bought an easy clean fisher price and i love it. pegs are eye candy. totally not worth it.

2. Diaper genie

we have never used this. mostly because we rarely change our babies in their bedrooms, and just throw the diapers straight into the garage. why do i want them sitting around in my house when i can just get rid of them right away?

3. Change table
my kids were way too squirmy. and it's a huge pain to always have to go upstairs to change diapers. a pad on the floor is perfect for me, thanks.

4. Peg perego double stroller

we got the tender xl. 4 years ago, before the mountain buggy and valco side-by-sides existed. it's huge and bulky and it's really hard to steer. and i always end up using my cheap grace side-by-side.

5. Swing

we got a graco swing as a baby gift - we asked for it - and we never used it. wait, that's not true. we used it about 4 times. it's not that it wasn't great...it's just between the bouncy chair and the gymini, it totally wasn't necessary.

6. Wipe warmer

um, yes, tell me again why this is necessary. are wipes really THAT cold?

7. Bath ring

this was the very reason i HATED bath time. my kids never quite fit right into this contraption and i never had the right angle to wash them properly.

8. Cheap stroller

the evenflo comfort dimensions plus. what a waste of money. it fell apart. and the seat never sat up straight. pain in the ass, if you ask me. i bought myself a peg pliko and a zooper boogie to replace it and have never looked back.

9. Bottle warmer

um, yeah, the best thing you can do is teach your babies to enjoy their formula/milk lukewarm to cool. i promise. it will save you the hassle of having to continue heating their milk forever.

10. Shoes

with the invention of Robeez, baby shoes are completely unnecessary.

11. Snowsuit

i have a bunting insert for my infant seat. amazing. snowsuits, be gone. no more bulk, and trying to fit the straps of the carseat over the giant snowsuit. no overheating.

12. What to Expect in the First Year

the only thing worse than this book is ""hat to expect when you are expecting". these are two books that are gathering dust in the closet in my basement.

13. Baby powder

seriously, have you ever used it? i still have the same bottle of johnson's that i bought when Emily was born.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
1. Raggedy
2. Sadie
3. Jenny Ryan
4. Tug
5. Lindsey
6. froggie mama
7. The Shrone
8. Tiffany
9. Audrey
10. Kimmy
11. something blue
12. buttercup
13. Julie
14. Jennifer
15. Vicky

(leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

while my pretty one sleeps...

2006-09-13T09:29:00.000-04:00

my other pretty one...watches Rockstar??

i wish you could see the clock in the shot also - it was 12:30-something.
(we missed the first showing because of meet-the-teacher night at the kids' school, so we had to watch with time-shifting. needless to say, i'm zonked.)

she had spilled her water in her crib and was laying in it, soaking wet and freezing. so, we let her come out and play in bed for a little bit. she was in heaven.

Three things

2006-09-13T09:24:00.000-04:00

three things i dislike in this world:

carpool
being wet
being late

i'm experiencing the joy of all three this morning.
lucky me.

Hello? Anyone Out There??

2006-09-12T12:19:00.000-04:00

have i scared y'all away with my blahs?
it's funny that you write certain posts and assume that no one will comment on them. like that day that you were blocked, gave up and wrote an entire post about socks, and you get the most comments you've ever gotten.
then there are the posts that you assume will generate the most comments...like the one i wrote yesterday, where i talked about being bummed, about being in the same theater as Jude Law (#1 on my list), and about a sack that you can hang your child from while you do your business in a public bathroom. and you get nothing. nothing.

i'm not fishing here.
it's just interesting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

anyone hear the latest in federletus news?
it seems that it's another boy for the Federlines, at least according to the national enquirer now, i have no idea if there's any truth to this rumor, but i thought she was having a little Jailynn?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

anyone watching Rockstar Supernova?
i'm a little bit on the obsessed side - since i'm watching the monday night, tuesday night, and wednesday night shows each week...

at first i was all about Dilana. she was a creepy and scary and mysterious chick. now she's just an emotional wreck that destroys songs. they already had one of those on that show...ahem...can we say Zayra...and we all know what happened to her...

i'm hoping that my man Toby will take this thing home. I love him. he's all accent-y and evs-y. and i can't get that freakin' oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh song out of my head. and that ass? mmmm. and that's got to count for something.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

anyone thinking that Prison Break is not nearly as good as it was last year???

A Bad Case of the Blahs

2006-09-11T10:08:00.000-04:00

i don't know what it is. just can't really shake it this morning.

i'm usually not one to admit when i'm feeling down. i'm usually all smiles and all about the "everything's fine."
by nature, i'm incredibly independent (which, most likely is the result of growing up in not one, but two emotionally unattached workaholic families. i didn't really have a choice. either you are independent, or you don't survive) and don't like to rely on others, for anything really.
i like for everyone to think that everything 100% fine, 100% of the time. Sure, i'm Fabulous, but sometimes i just feel shitty.

i guess there's just a lot going on. i'm having some clothes fitting issues (in that they just aren't fitting. at all), i'm having some friends issues (yes, once again), i'm having some web design issues, and i don't even have a freakin' kitchen sink

the good news of the day, though, is that on Wednesday night, i've got tickets to see my Jude in the movie Breaking and Entering at the Film Festival.
AND
hes.going.to.be.there.

the husband better pray that he doesn't want to take me home. he IS on my list, after all.

EDIT:
my BLAHs are completely gone.
it's amazing what a little good news will do for you!
Ro, my designer over at Ciao my Bella, is working so hard on my design today, even though September 11th is a day that hits really close to home for her, and i'm so appreciative.
so...be on the lookout for my new site (yes, people, we are getting rid of blogger for good! wahoo!) - it's not done yet, so don't go peeking around just yet...and for those of you who are worried, my good pal Haley has an automatic redirect for me, which will be handy for you until you change all your blogrolls over from I Write, Therefore I Blog to my new site, Cheaper Than Therapy. (ah, don't you just love that name???)

okay...also...
this
just might be the most hilarious thing i have ever seen in my life.

addict and other ditties

2006-09-08T09:08:00.000-04:00

we have a new obsession in our household.

are we had our first sentence on tuesday.
(no, i'm not kidding)

Isabella is beyond obsessed with this birthday Dora doll. she walks around holding her saying, "Da-ra. da-ra!" it's actually beyond adorable.
we were sitting in the car and the Dora doll had fallen to the ground. Isabella shrieked and then said, clear as day, "I want my Dora!" (i guess it wasn't clear as day...it sounded more like, "iwama da-ra" but, you get the idea.)

and then she said it again.

until i turned around and picked it up for her.
sucker.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

on another note, please please please come and visit me at my new blog at Urbanmoms.ca

and leave a comment. let me know you were there.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

yes, i realize that i'm the LAST person on the internet to talk about Suri.

i've seen all sorts of photos of her flying around the internet from her debut in Vanity Fair and on Katie Couric's show.

i've also seen the hilarious photo that you WON'T see in Vanity Fair, where miss Suri Cruise looks like the poster girl for the new Omen movie.

Poke fun all you want. (she's Chris Klein's! she looks like L. Ron Hubbard! I think i see Pacey a little bit around the eyes! it's a wig!) lordy knows, i've been doing a lot of that! but, folks, this is one cute baby:

13 of the BEST tv couples ever!

2006-09-07T09:16:00.000-04:00

Thirteen of the best tv couples ever

1. Winnie and Kevin

2. Dylan and Brenda

3. Cory and Topanga

4. Ben and Felicity

5. Sonny and Carly

6. Tony and Angela

7. Joanie and Chachi

8. Zack and Kelly

9. Joey and Pacey

10. Meredith and McDreamy

11. Ross and Rachel

12. Seth and Summer

13. Jim and Pam

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
1. Meredith
2. Tug
3. PixiePincessMom
4. froggie mama
5. Tink
6. LuluBunny
7. Amy
8. Shannon
9. Southern Girl
10. on the Rock
11. Lindsay
12. Audrey
13. Lisa
14. Cat
15. Sadie
16. Tiffany
17. wrigley
18. jersey girl
19. Ruth

(leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Bone to Pick

2006-09-06T09:06:00.000-04:00

Isabella is not a crier, by nature.
she's a happy, happy baby. she cries only when she's completely overtired or if she's hurt.
so, imagine the panic when i was getting the kids out of the van and isabella started crying out of nowhere. and crying. and crying. and crying. and didn't stop. and started turning purple.
and then i saw it.

she had got her thumb stuck in this:

what is that, you ask?
well, i'll tell you.
that's her carseat.
it has a finger-sized hole right on the armrest.
sure, the fabric is supposed to cover it, but curious children can quite easily pull that fabric up.

and do this to themselves:

(it was really hard to get a good shot of her thumb, since she didn't want me having any part of it, but she basically stripped a layer of skin off and the swelling? i don't even want to talk about the swelling. bless her heart.)

As promised.

2006-09-05T09:02:00.000-04:00

the mega post.
let us begin my recap of my trip to montreal by trying to explain to you how freakin' adorable this child is:

yes, yes. i realize in this shot, he's looking very George W. again...
it's just the things that come out of his mouth are priceless. seriously.

since i've got lots to say, i'll keep it to the top 4 things that made me laugh my ass off:
1. "Daddy! I'm getting hair on my legs! i'm becoming a daddy!"
2. "I sure love my headmuffs."
3. "Mommy, why is Emily eating her hands?"
4. "Are people made of wood?" "No, Josh." "Playdoh, then?" "No, Josh." "Then what the heck are people made of?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
alrighty, let's move on to the rabbit, shall we?

sure, he looks all innocent and such, but this rabbit eats everything in sight. including barbie's fingers, which, as i'm sure you can imagine, did NOT impress Emily in the least.

Isabella was a little obsessed. all day long, "hi daddit!" she'd say, waving hi to Beamer. until he'd come close, and then she'd scream her head off!

i, on the other hand, was not. the first night we were there, i woke up, thinking Emily had rolled over on top of me (i was sleeping in a twin bed with Emily, with Isabella in the pack and play beside us). when i opened my eyes, i realized that it was not my daughter who was on top of me, but a little rabbit. just sitting right on my chest. i wanted to scream, but since i didn't want to wake my girls, and i didn't want to start up with the rabbit (i was nervous that he was going to get territorial and go nutty on me...also, i didn't want him to eat my shoes) so i just laid there. staring him down.
that was the end of me sleeping in Montreal. i was scared of a little rabbit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

it's funny. sometimes things are just meant to be.
every time we go away, i try, at least once, to get out of it. i don't like travelling. i'm a control freak, and don't like being out of control. and that's what road trips, and airplanes, and vacations are to me (although, i'd hardly call anything that involves me travelling with 3 children until 6, a VACATION). so, it's true for this Montreal trip too. i tried to back out several times.
it's not that i didn't want to go.
and it's not that i didn't think i'd have a good time, because i knew that i would.
i really like Adina and Manny, and always have a good time when i see them.
it's just a thing that i do.
but had i missed it, i would have missed the most random of randoms. my friend, who i haven't seen in years (i'm pretty sure that she's never met any of my kids...to give you an idea of how long it's been), happened to be visiting HER sister in law in Montreal on the same weekend. we had no idea.
Elana was one of my best friends - if not my best - in high school. I spent more time at her house in my four years of high school than pretty much anywhere else. We lost touch when i moved to Toronto and she moved to New York. lives, school, significant others, distance all got in the way. We stayed friends, but it wasn't the same. it was an email and phone call here and there. an update on what the other was doing.
it was so wonderful to see her. even though it was a tiny minute (well, it was a good 20 minutes) of my life, i'll probably remember it forever. i got to meet her husband. her baby. i can't even imagine when i'll see her next. but it was almost like a little breath of fresh air to see her. she looks EXACTLY the same as she did in high school. exactly. and it made my heart ache to be back there. in high school. just for a second.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

also...a man fell on my ankle. i'm serious.

also...a man in a truck freakin hit my car. but he left a note, which i thought was VERY honest of him. because there's no way i would have ever left a note.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
last but not least, we have friends who are the Montreal version of us.
their daughter is a month younger than Emily.
their son is a month older than Josh.
and their baby is a month older than Isabella.
we even have the exact. same. van.
freaky, i know.

we get along really well, and always get together with them when we visit. it's great for the kids.

you didn't think i could post without including this adorable munchkin...did you??

the one in which she goes live

2006-09-04T10:55:00.000-04:00

i will be back, i promise, with my montreal mega-post. i've got so much to say.
but, we'll start with the found porn that i will be sending into Maxim. oh, yes, i will.

yesterday we went to this place called "Banana Zoo." it was an indoor playground inside the Recreatheque. (if you check out their website, they will be open on LABORD day. in case you were wondering. he).

official sign. this is NOT a joke. i repeat. it's NOT a joke.

so, just so you know, for future reference, when you visit the banana zoo, it is forbidden to jerk in ball pits. hahahahahahahaha. and yes, i am 12 years old, thank you very much. or at least i have the sense of humor of a 12-year-old.

talk about getting lost in translation.

until i can get all my Montreal-ing goodness up and online, i wanted to let you all know (all three of you who are reading on a holiday monday...it's labor day, people! go do something fun! get off your computer!) that my urbanmoms site is now live!

you can come check out my FABULOUS new blog here.
stop by and say hi. i'm a comment whore. seriously. leave me some and i'll be your best friend.

Holy sweatballs, batman

2006-09-01T08:06:00.000-04:00

my mouth went completely dry. i was freezing cold and sweating at the same time. sweating. like a beast. the nausea was coming in waves. terrified, i was.

the truth is, i really didn't have much of a choice.
i had to do it. just bite the bullet and go for it.

so i did.
i took my foot off the clutch, put my foot on the gas, and drove the husband's stick shift car. (now, don't you start asking why he bought a gear shift car in the first place...knowing full well that his wife couldn't and wouldn't drive it...because that's a story for another day).

and i made it to work. in one piece. and i even took the highway. and took the car all the way up to 5th gear!

the only glitch is that i can't reverse.
and i only stalled once.

and the true beauty of this whole sweaty experience is that it means that the husband can drive morning carpool. he has no more excuses. totally. 100%. worth it.

13 of the BEST movie scenes

2006-08-31T09:04:00.000-04:00

Thirteen of the best movie scenes ever

I could probably do 30 of these...but here are 13 of my favorite. not in any order.

1. Say Anything boombox. "In Your Eyes". Llyod Dobbler. Need i say more?

2. Psycho. perhaps the most famous shower scene ever.

3. When Harry Met Sally. the Orgasm. Meg Ryan fakes it like no one's business. But the real climax of the scene? Rob Reiner's mother delivering the line, "I'll have what she's having."

4. On the Waterfront. Marlon Brando signature moment. "I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender," he says. "I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, let's face it."

5. A Few Good Men. The courtroom. "I want the truth!" "You can't handle the truth."

6. The Usual Suspects. Having just heard Verbal's testimony, Agent Kujan sits back and takes a look at his noticeboard. His coffee crashes to the floor, and he realises he's been had.

7. Cool Hand Luke. nobody can eat 50 eggs.

8. Gone With the Wind. Rhett's kiss-off to the tearful Scarlett. "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn" closes the door on a tortured romance and Hollywood's most treasured epic.

9. The Graduate. "Mrs. Robinson, are you trying to seduce me?"

10. The Godfather. too many to choose from. but, the infamous horse head scene has got to be the best. (i'm sure many will argue).

11. The Big Lebowski. Walter wants to throw Donnie's ashes into the sea, but the wind blows it directly into the Dude's face.

12. Dirty Dancing. Sure, no body puts baby in a corner, but the scene where they are practicing the lift in the water is the movie's best scene by far. so hot.

13. To Kill a Mockingbird. Scout meets Boo Radley. it's Robert Duvall's only scene in the movie, and it only lasts 3 minutes, but it kills me. Scout's "Hey Boo" was just perfect.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
1. Tug
2. Southern Girl
3. Shannon
4. froggie mama
5. Tink
6. Bev
7. Jodi
8. Courtney
9. Mommy the Maid
10. Stephanie
11. Kimmy
12. Jenny Ryan
13. The Pastor's Wife

(leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

number 2 - - - - it's the boo/yay game

2006-08-30T11:13:00.000-04:00

alrighty, since my first post was axed by my husband, you will have to settle for number 2. (which i'm hoping is more like rob lowe in austin powers and not like the other one you were thinking of, sicko...) . and the first post was funny, folks. it was funny. it involved nipple slips and swimming phones. you would have laughed. i promise.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
the yay:

my computer at work is very ill. i'm not sure if i've ever mentioned this before, since i try to keep work-related things off the blog. but, this must be discussed.
it's either ill or possessed or just very, very depressed.

it turns off on its own. just whenever it feels like it. hmm...my dear friend Ali is mid email, let's shut off on her. nice.
it takes 45 minutes to reboot. no joke. so slow.
i can't have more than one application open at a time, or things freeze. no, i'm not kidding. so let's say i have an excel file open (which i do, at about 99% of the time), i cannot then go over and start to write an email. freeze. and heaven help me if i click on any other tab. freeze. freeze.
if i'm downloading hi-res photos, and i dare try to touch anything else, freeze.
sometimes it has a bit of a seizure on me. the screen starts to shake and everything jumbles together and dances a little. and then? you guessed it. freeze.

so, i complained to my boss. i complained to IT. i complained to just about anyone who will listen. they've come up several times and told me everything was fine. i have one of the newer computers...so i'm low on the priority list.
finally, yesterday, my new best friend came to take a look at it. i left my deal old computer in his hands.
he paid me a visit this morning and told me to save all my things to the shared server....because....baby....i'm getting me a new computer!! woot! (i'm actually not all that big on using the woot!, but this situation was begging for it.)

yay.

the boo:
Emily got her admit-to-class card yesterday. she was put in SK-B. her best friend, however, was put in SK-A. Emily, of course, is devastated. i am acutally not all that upset that they separated them. they are trouble. and together, they are even more trouble. snotty, snobby little things.
the thing is, it seems that Emily got put into a class, not just without her best friend, but really without any of her friends at all. granted, she does have Sarah J., which will make her happy, but that's about it. no hannah, or mia, or haviva. not even the boys she's friends with. poor girl. i'm dying inside for her.
and i'm a little bit pissed off. if they were going to split the snobbies, it should have been an even 3-3 split. not 2 and 4. that's just not fair.
i know she'll be fine. she's a leader. (she's just like Johnny Castle - - - she can lead anybody). she will find followers just about anywhere she goes.
but the thing that irks me is that we were really on the fence between two schools. should we send her to school a, which is really more our speed religiously and academcially, or should we send her to school b, where all her friends are. we chose school b, for better or for worse, because of the friends.
and now she's not even with those friends.

boo.

what about you guys?
got a boo and yay for today to share???

(folks, i'd love to give credit where credit is due, but i can't for the life of me remember where i first saw the boo/yay game. i think it was probably Stacy, but i'm not sure!!)

you cannot use this against me 2 months from now when i'm complaining about the cold...

2006-08-29T09:32:00.000-04:00

School starts on Tuesday.
Summer is officially over.
and i must admit. i'm kinda sorta a little bit happy about it.

this may come as a shock to most of you, since i love the summer.
i love almost everything about summer.
the long days that seem to go on forever.
the warmth. not having to wear jackets, and hats, and boots, and gloves, and scarves.
the outdoor sunday barbeques. every week.
the swimming at Jack and Ilana's.
the laid-back attitude at work (not to mention the empty parking lot in the mornings)
the tan. and holy hell, i look about 1000 times better with a tan.
the trips to Canada's Wonderland.
the NOT having to drive carpool.
the park.
the ben and jerry's (for some reason, i'm able to justify this guilty pleasure only in the summer...)

my reason for being happy that summer is ending is two-fold.
a) my kids need to get back into school. back into routine. They've had just about enough freedom, thank you very much. they need to go back to going to bed at 7 (instead of 9). and waking up at 7 (instead of 6:30). they have too much extra energy that just isn't getting used.

b) the turtleneck. i'm totally missing this staple piece of clothing. turtlenecks are my go-to clothing item. seriously. they always look good. on skirts. on jeans. you can dress them up with the right jewellery. you can dress them down. my mother is shocked at how i can pretty much get through winter in a different turtleneck every day (no joke, i have 14 black ones alone. sad, really), because when i was a kid, i refused them. i didn't like anything against my neck. and now i feel naked without it.

what about all of you?
happy that summer's over?
bummed that it flew by so fast?

let's talk. shall we?

2006-08-28T10:05:00.000-04:00

this must be said. last night was a boring-ass emmy's. boring. as. ass.
but, here's my skinny:

good? tribute to Aaron Spelling. i weeped like a little baby. (yes, you can stop laughing at me right about now.)

more good? a much deserved win for this man:

(please note. his outfit belongs in the BAD, BAD, BAD cetegory. it's a little too thurston howell, III for me...)

even more good?
Conan visiting South Park in his little opening number. loved that.

best dressed Grey's girl:

worst dressed Grey's girl:

bad? Barry Manilow.

more bad? i'm all happy for Mariska Hargitay and her big win and her baby named August and everything...but this award should have gone to Edie Falco.

best line of the night?
Helen Mirren saying, "My great triumph was not falling ass over tit as I walked up here." Brilliant.

second best line of the night?
Julia Louis-Dreyfus saying, "Curse this, baby!"
If you need to ask, that refers to the so-called "Seinfeld" curse

best dressed?

worst dressed?

things accomplished.

2006-08-28T09:11:00.000-04:00

yes, two major things accomplished this weekend.
a) my daughter no longer looks like the incredible hulk in her just-a-wee-bit too small pajamas.

ah, yes. thanks Old Navy.

b) my other children have shoes for school.

ah, yes. thanks Browns.

after talking her out of the heels, which she so desperately wanted, she agreed to get these adidas.
and yes, that is, in fact, how she went out in public yesterday.
i pick my battles, folks. i pick my battles.

Oh my lordy.

2006-08-24T21:57:00.000-04:00

i usually get Drew Barrymore. Sometimes Courteney Cox. and once i got Nina from the Young and the Restless. oh, and remember that time someone told me i look liked Stacy from the Apprentice? yikes.

but this?? holy crap. the first two? models. models! i mean, i know this shit means nothing...but for a girl with a crappy self esteem, getting told that you look like, not one, but two models, is a lovely little ego stroke. a whole hell of a lot nicer than being told you look like Drew Barrymore.

lifted from Magnolia Mom. Thanks!

Thirteen Things That Are Overrated

2006-08-24T11:13:00.000-04:00

i'm a thursday thirteen virgin.
so i'm not really sure what i'm doing...

Thirteen Things that are overrated

1. The Black-Eyed Peas

2. Lord of the Rings movies

3. Michal Negrin jewelery.

4. Crocs - only for the operating room and for fishermen. also acceptable for working in the garden and on small children, maybe.

5. chocolate bars that are adding caramel to them. ew. leave well enough alone, please.

6. Citizen Kane.

7. Myspace

8. Zoos.

9. Celebrity Scientologists and Kabbalists. it's enough already. we get it. you're cool.

10. Rachael Ray.

11. M Night Shyamalan. Sixth Sense? great. Unbreakable? great. the rest? not so much. the same stories with the unexpected twists are beginning to get old. but...if you keep putting Joaquin in your movies, i'll still see them.

12. poker .

13. Peg Perego with the exception of the p3, which i have and love to pieces, peg is eye candy. and that's about it.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
1. http://somethingbabyblue.blogspot.com/
2. http://tinkerbell-nl.blogspot.com/
3. http://buttercupandbean.blogspot.com/
4. http://www.jennyryan.com/
5. http://danebramage.blogspot.com/
6. http://carmenhasgonetoplaid.blogspot.com/
7. http://pinkdiary808.com/
8. http://magnoliamom.com/
9. http://www.jodinesmith.blogspot.com/
10. http://oursillyones.blogspot.com/

(leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

in which she needs an "I don't do mornings" t-shirt

2006-08-23T09:40:00.000-04:00

mornings at the martells have just gone crazy. like, Tom Cruise jumping on the couch crazy.

my nanny starts at 8, and i leave the house at 8:30. so, the shower, the clothing choice, the dressing, the blow-dry, the make-up application, and the lunch preparation (usually, it's just grabbing a diet pepsi, but something it's more than that) all need to happen before 8:30. it's tight. and when i say tight, i mean, it's not possible to get all of those things done in 30 minutes. not possible.

this week, and for the next little while, the husband is taking the early shift at work. yes, it means that he's home BEFORE 6, which is absolutely FANTABULOUS. but, having him home early means that he has to leave early too. like butt-crack of dawn kind of early.

in theory this should work fine. the bunnies are all usually up around 7ish. give or take 15-20 minutes. they can crawl into bed and watch tv in my room while i shower and get dressed. if i can manage to get all that done by 8, i'm golden.

in reality, it's anything by fine.
* they refuse to watch the same things on tv. Joshie wants cartoons. preferably somethign superhero. Emily wants Family. preferably something she's too young to watch.
* they refuse to share space on my bed. my queen-sized bed should be big enough for my two pint-sized children. kicking, whining, screaming. "Joshie, stop touching me." "Emily, get away from me. you're smelly."
* they refuse to share their sister. they both want to hold her. cue the whines, once again.
* they refuse to hold said sister for more than 3 minutes. which means that she can't stay on the bed. which means she's free to roam around my bedroom. which is like a minefield. and i'm being kind, here. my house is clean. my bedroom is a disaster area. scrapbooking stuff everywhere. blanket stuff everywhere. elliptical trainer ripe for climbing, computer wires and stuff. it's like disneyland for a one-year old.
* they are hungry. starving. "my stomach is starting to eat itself, momma". so, we have to go downstairs. before 8.

and don't you think for a second that when 8 o'clock rolls around i can just disappear into my room on my own and have a blissful 30 minutes to myself to blow dry and put on my face. oh, no. within 30 seconds, Emily's upstairs screaming. Josh's upstairs looking for something.

so, at 8:30, i grab my bags "kiss and a hug first!" walk out the door "Wait, momma, just one more!" and race out the door. breathe a sigh of relief, plug in my ipod, and relax as i drive to work. and usually it's around 9:30 when i start wondering what my bunnies are up to.

Howdy Partners!!

2006-08-22T09:16:00.000-04:00

(my daughter can certainly pull off a hat better than Britney...don't you think?)

okay, looking at this rootin-tootin' photo, i have a question for you all, and for baby gap. why on earth would you make a sleeper with a collar?? do these people think that i have the time to IRON the collars of my children's sleepwear? do these people think that i even know where my iron is?? There is zero chance that this sucker is going to stay down, so instead is starts to creep up around her face and neck. surely, this can't be comfortable...and it's certainly not fashionable.

we won't talk about the fact that i'm still squeezing my giant baby into sleepers that are 3-6 months in size, even though she's as big as a 2-year-old...i ask you to just turn your head the other way and not judge. please. it's all under control and i have a plan. Wentworth Miller and i have a plan.

THERE'S A PLAN
TO MAKE ALL
OF THIS RIGHT
... .. .. . .. .... ... ... .. ....
.... .. .. . ... . .. .. ... .
.. ... . ... ... . .. .

i'm just fresh out of cranes, so it sort of loses its effect.
(oh, and ps...Haley? i take it back. he's hot. he just has a really annoying hairline.)

randomly random bits

2006-08-21T09:05:00.000-04:00

every once in a while, i will race out of the house in the morning and forget my cell phone. and then i feel naked all day. anyone who knows me can tell you that i'm NOT a phone person. email, yes, but the phone? not for me. but i like to have it with me. just in case. it's a control thing with me (as most things in my life are...)
so, imagine how i felt yesterday when my internet was down for the entire day.
no email. no blogging. my pictures couldn't make it onto flickr. i even had to resort to looking up a phone number in an actual phone book. (who knew i even had one?)
what's more naked than naked? well...whatever it is, that's what yesterday felt like.
and it wasn't even working this morning because the husband and i got home too late last night (from a night that felt like high school, almost. hi guys - you dared me to work "wall"ing and jack and ilana's shed into my post, but since this is a pg kind of site, okay, pg-13, that's all you're going to get.) to attempt to find the problem.

random bit #1
My friends Becca and Elan were in from Chicago this weekend. I haven't seen them in, like, 3 years. not since she was pregnant with her 2nd, and now she has 3. it's been a long time. but we have long history, those two and i.
They were two of my best friends in high school. and we were roommates in Israel for an entire year.
what's amazing is how there are some people that you can go without seeing for years and years, and then when you get together, you pick off right where you left off. it was so...i don't know...normal. there was no awkwardness. no weirdness.
and i took great, great pleasure in watching our two oldest daughters hit it off like best friends. like they'd known each other for years. like things have come full circle.
but, i wish we lived in the same place. i wish that Emily and Gabrielle could have the chance to be friends the way Becca and I were friends. i wish Becca and I could have the chance to be friends the way we used to.
it was great seeing her. i hope it's not another 3 years. because it's just too damn long.

random bit #2
on Saturday morning he picked an outfit for Emily to wear.
me: honey, this skirt is wool
him: it's what?
me: wool.
him: so
me: as in, winter.
him: yeah
me: and it's August. and this is a polo. doesn't go.

my children have a ridiculous amount of clothing. no, seriously. my mother has a shopping sickness (so, now it's clear where i get it from. see? it's not my fault, it's genetic). They have drawers and closets full of clothing that they don't need, items that still have tags because there aren't enough days in the season to wear them all. they have shearling coats, and burberry dresses, and juicy sweatpants. they have skirts, and shirts, and pants, and dresses, and jumpers, and sweaters. Some are gorgeous. (so gorgeous that they sit in said drawers and closets because i'm too afraid to put them on my kids - who, once dressed, can't stay clean for more than a minute and a half) some are hideous (so hideous that they sit in said drawerd and closets because i'm too afraid to take them out in public in them. note to my mother: just because they are a fancy name brand or come from some chic boutique in Scottsdale, it doesn't mean they are NICE).

Whenever my husband gets the children dressed - which i'll admit, is nice of him to do, since getting three children dressed is never an easy task - he never quite gets it right.
he likes to put them in things that they never wear. yes, dear, there's a reason that they never wear them...
he likes to put together interesting combinations - like a wool $150 skirt with a $15 polo "camp" t-shirt.
he likes to save the good stuff "for best". this is a concept he learned from his father. when you buy nice, new things, you put them away for best and don't wear them.
he likes to put them, my son mostly, in pants that are too short. and there's not much worse than too-short pants. (that's not true. there's nothing worse than pants that are MEANT to be too short for boys, as in capri pants, yikes! who decided that boys should be wearing capris. um. no. i don't think so).
what about all of you? how do your men fare when they dress the kids??

random bit #3
let's discuss this ensemble, shall we?

the one where she can't park

2006-08-18T10:29:00.000-04:00

yesterday i met with the lovely Jen from urbanmoms.ca at Starbucks about a possible blogging opportunity at her site.
I arrived early...mostly because ~~Haley ditched me~~ I overestimated how long i'd be at li'l niblets. So, i pulled up on Yonge street, looking for a parking spot. I was delighted to have found one right across the street.
the sign looked like this:

except it said m-f, 6:00pm-9:00pm. ooh. since it was 6:02, i couldn't believe my luck. perfect spot. so, i get out of the car and go over to the trusty parking machine:

but, alas. it was BLANK. it was just a grey box, nowhere to pay.

what the fuck? could i park there? could i not park there?
was it worth the risk of getting towed?
so, i got back in the car and went around the corner and found a meter.
but, i had no change. so, i drove around again and found a parking lot and paid the $3 dollars to park. hmph.

so, i went in and found Jen. she's gorgeous! and tall! and so super nice!
she bought me a coffee (i'm such a cheap date. i just got a tall. regular coffee. if i'd known she was paying i would have splurged for a latte. and cake. mmmm..cake. relax, i kid. i so wouldn't have)
we talked a little bit about urbanmoms. she had me at hello. i wanted in. this thing is going to be huge. huge, folks. it's going to be fantastic for the canadian mommy network. i'm so excited to be a part of it.
so, as of september 1st, i will be writing a mommy blog on urbanmoms, and i will, of course, harrass you to go over and read it. it doesn't have a name yet...i will be asking for your help on that. the good news is that I Write, Therefore I Blog is going to have its own new design and NEW NAME (do you wanna hear it? do you? drumroll please....Cheaper Than Therapy...don't you just love it???) as of the end of August. The wonderful Ro at Ciao My Bella will be assisting me in this project to get the hell off of blogger and set me up on my own little site. stay tuned for details on this too.

so, keep reading for more details on my new writing gig at urbanmoms.ca.
i will be trying to convince you all that i am a cool chick.
even though i'm a mother.
and i work full time.
and i have three kids.
even if i can't freakin' figure out how to park my car in midtown Toronto.
and if you haven't already been there. go. there. now. and sign up.

oh, and did i mention that Jen gave me free booze? oh, yes, she did.
so i celebrated my new gig by ~~getting hammered off my ass~~ enjoying a nice, refreshing glass of Bailey's on ice.

where's Kelly Ripa when i need her and her "nanananana hey hey hey goodbye" **

2006-08-17T11:31:00.000-04:00

one of the benefits to having a nanny is that she does things for you.
she does the things you don't want to do (toilets) and the things you just don't have time to do (change the sheets and polish the silver).
there are, however, a few things that i prefer to do myself.
laundry is one these things.

most of my friends look at me in horror when i say that i do laundry (well...to be fair, i load the machines and unload them, and even fold them. but i don't put laundry away. ever. it's like a sickness. i don't unload the dishwasher either.)

i like to pretreat my stains a certain way. and if you've ever met my children, you would realize that proper stain treatment is essential for our survival. in case you're curious, i use a combination of this and this.
i like to use my own systems for how to dry things. certain things get dried for 5 minutes and have to come out and be laid out - in a certain way, of course - immediately. some things get dried halfway, and some things (most for me) get dried the entire way. i like my systems. they work for me.

which is why i have no one to blame but myself for ruining my two favorite shirts.
anyone who knows will easily recognize these two.
they are both from RW&co.
the first is a blue shirt that kind of bunches at the boob area...and has a pesky button that has trouble staying shut.
the second is pink. three shades of pink. i ALWAYS wear it with a black skirt and my favorite shoes. it's my go-to outfit. it fits right in all the right places.

so, i washed the two shirts. put them in the dryer for 5 minutes. took them out and neatly laid them out on top of the washer.
what i didn't realize what that the industrial size tide that i had bought had a spout that was hanging directly over the shirts. drip. drip. drip.
overnight.
i didn't discover them until the morning, when they had this super lovely white crusty spot on them. ew.
so, into the wash they went. i mean, it was just soap, right? it should come right out.

um, yeah, no. giant crusty mark? still there. in all it's taunting glory.
shit.

so, this morning i stood at the sink, desperately trying to scrub the detergent marks out of my two shirts. i left them to dry over my bathtub.
please pray for me.
at least if my nanny did my laundry, i'd have someone to blame.

** come on, you know you LOVE that commercial. and now you'll never get it out of your heads...

ditties

2006-08-16T09:45:00.000-04:00

so, we punished my son this week.
well, when i say, what i really mean to say is the husband.
I didn't punish him. ever since the whole broke-mommy's-camera-mommy-cuts-up-blanket fiasco, i have punishment issues.

anyway, he was sent to his room for a 3-minute time-out.
when he came down, he looked at the husband. with very angry eyes.
and said:
"You're done. You're fired." (which actually sounded more like, "you'we done. you'we fi-ewed")
complete with hysterical 'it's over' hand gestures.

seriously. my son cracks me up.
and i didn't think it could get any better than the "see ya later, fweeks" line.

******************

Isabella got lots of good toys for her birthday.
the clear favorite has got to be the farm fridge toy.

i think the husband and i are enjoying this toy more than the kids.
it's a mix and match farm animal game.
for example - you put the sheep front on and the horse back on and then it sings this little song:
"a sheep in front, a horse behind, put them together, and what do you find? a sheep-horse! that's silly."
oh...you can see how this would be great fun for two adults who have the minds of 12-year-olds.
and it totally left the door for all sorts of "in front" and "behind" combinations...

who's the cat?

2006-08-15T09:19:00.000-04:00

bella bella, a-bella, stinky-face, poochie, kitty, booboo, bellaboo, sunshine, goober
my Isabella Rose.
You are 1 today.

i can't even believe it. this year has flown.
and what a little princess you've become.

you are still cue-ball bald, but we can see some little blond hairs popping up. you will have hair, lady!

you are starting to lose that super baby chub that i love to kiss (and bite!) because over the past few months you've become insanely active. up and down the steps, climbing on the fireplace, crawling everywhere, walking your car around the house, and even taking a few steps.

you are starting to talk - you have so many words - mama, dada, emma, baby, bottle, milk, um (food), cheese, yes, no, bye-bye, hotdog (our personal favorite). i love your yes nod when i ask you if you want a bottle, and you say, "a-yah, a-yah" and you shake your bob your head up and down.

you are so adorable in the morning. happy. when i walk in you squeal in delight when i say, "who's the cat? you're the cat. who's the cat? you're the cat" (don't laugh. it's from madagascar, and it's cute)

you are such a happy kid. you only cry when you hurt yourself or you are exhausted tired. and you are always smiling. you love your brother and your sister, and smile your head off when one of them gives you even the tiniest bit of attention.

you love to eat. and eat. and eat. everything that we put in front of you.

you are such an amazing little creature, and i can't wait to see what the next year will bring!!

Isabella's Birthday Party #2

2006-08-14T12:02:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow my baby girl turns one.
last year at this time i was spending 98% of my time bitching that everyone else had already had their august and end of July babies...and i was the ONLY. ONE. STILL. PREGNANT. (except for Becca, who held out longer than I did)

Yesterday, one of my best friends, Tova, and I made a double-header first birthday party for her son Noah, and for my daughter, Isabella, who were born 2 days apart. This isn't the first time the Martell/Posner duo had a joint shindig. Noah and Isabella were both named at a double bris/baby naming at our synogogue. please join us next year for when they turn 2. :)

here are some pictures. please note: i didn't have time to get them all off the camera and i still haven't gotten Tova's pics from the party (which might be better than mine)

Me and the Birthday Girl:

(note to self: Self, must get haircut)

eating side by side:

the biggest. cake. ever.

the mommies and the babies:

(notice the chip in my daughter's hand. she didn't stop eating the entire day. also notice my other daughter - front and center at the cake)

opening presents:

(holy crap, they are cute!)

oh...how she loves her some bling bling...

2006-08-11T12:13:00.000-04:00

On Wednesday night, while the husband and I were at a wedding, we left my parents in charge of the children. They took them out for dinner (well, they did leave Isabella at home with Jhoanne because, "Ali, how can i possibly take all three kids out to dinner???" - this coming from a woman who has three kids...but whatever...i'll let that one slide) and then they stopped at Toys R Us. because my mother is into bribery. as are my kids.

my son came home with a superman toy. typical.
my daughter, on the other hand, managed to come home with Whore Barbie.
who, you ask?
you aren't familiar with Whore Barbie? she sits there right on the shelf with Ballerina Barbie and Teacher Barbie and Doctor Barbie. (all three of which would have been GOOD choices).

let me introduce you to whore barbie:

she comes with a face full of lovely make-up:

and a beauty of a belly-button piercing:

and here are her friends:

i'm so glad my mom didn't talk her out of this one. (that was sarcasm..if you couldn't tell)
since all she's spoken about since Wednesday has been the piercings that she wants.
GREAT. just what i needed.

on time

2006-08-09T09:35:00.000-04:00

i'm am chronically on time.
personally, i don't think this is a problem.

i hate to be late.
i hate to be early.

i have little tolerance for people who are really late.
(except for Jack and Ilana :) )
well, i take it back. i don't like when people are late when they are meeting me. like at a restaurant or for a movie or something.
it makes it seem like they don't think my time is important.
and then i look like an ass sitting around and waiting by myself.
if i tell someone i'll meet them at, let's say, 4:00. i'm there are 4:01, or 4:03, even 4:05. i wouldn't show up at 4:17. (well...certainly not without a phone call and a really good excuse)
also, i feel like late people, in general, are just poor predictors of how long things actually take.
i remember a friend once said to me, "i just have to pick up my kid, and stop at Sobey's to buy hamburger buns and then get gas. i'll be there in 5 minutes." 5 minutes, my ass. there's no way she could have possibly accomplished even one of those tasks in 5 minutes. so, in my head i just hear, "i'll be there in 35 minutes".

my family, on the other hand, is chronically early.
my husband is chronically early.
always.
drives me BATTY.
flights. dinner reservations. everything.
i've spent my entire life trying to slow people down. telling them to relax.
we don't need to leave to take the kids to camp at 9:15 when it's a 3 minute drive and camp doesn't start until 9:45.
no, Jerry, you don't need to leave at 2:00 for your 3:00 massage, when the place is 15 minutes away.
you can see where i'm going here, right?

on tuesday night we had 7:30 dinner reservations. i thought we should probably leave around 7 and we'd have plenty of time to drive down to eglinton. when i got home from work, my mom suggested that we leave at 5:30.
no, i'm not kidding.
so, i humored her and figured we'd get down there and spend some time at the cute shops down there. there's this store i adore called Oink, Oink. it's really all kinds of adorable.
what i didn't know, however, was that the stores on Eglinton close at 6. so, we got there about 3 minutes before everything closed, with an hour and a half to kill before dinner.
we parked our butts at starbucks and spent over an hour there. waiting.

i spend a lot of time waiting. waiting for people who are late.
and waiting with people who are early.

the cuteness is coming!!

2006-08-08T09:13:00.000-04:00

there were about 7,000 pictures taken yesterday. and there were at least a couple of good ones. the uploading process is taking longer than expected because last night we hit a little bit of a hurdle.

we went over to Jack and Ilana's so I could help Ilana with her basket fundraiser and so the husband could help Jack play FIFA on xbox. we weren't there for more than 10 minutes when we get a panicked phone call from my mother.
"Isabella was crying. she was hysterical. so i took her out of her crib and then she threw up all over me. and i couldn't get her to calm down so i went and gave her to Jhoanne. and now your daughter hates me."
there are three major issues here.
a) she didn't throw up. she's sick and has a bad cold and because she was screaming she choked and spit up some phlegm. she didn't "throw up all over her"
b) she WOKE up jhoanne. there were three grown adults in the house and not one of them know how to deal with a crying baby so they went downstairs and woke up my sleeping nanny, who was off duty. i can just die from this (how on earth did i make it out alive???!!!)
c) "your daughter hates me" - is she 12 years old? hates her? did she seriously say that?

while you ponder this...i'll leave you with a super cute shot of Isabella post-attack.

tap, tap, tap. is this thing on??

2006-08-07T10:16:00.000-04:00

are y'all still in shock over my serious friday post? no worries, folks, it was but a momentary lapse and i will head straight back into the important things, like poop and my lard ass and celebrities.

i'm off today, for Simcoe Day (what the fuck is Simcoe day, you ask? who the heck knows, or cares, for that matter, since it's a day off of work, and that's all that Canadians really care about...), and we in the Martell household are gonna party like it's 1999. seriously. we are having the first of Isabella's countless birthday celebrations (brace yourself, people, the porker is almost 1!). this one is for family only, and the Opps, since they are pretty much.

my parents are here. i can't remember if i discussed my anxiety about it. but, so far, despite the 4 pounds i've gained in the last 3 days, and the fact that the husband and i are NOT on speaking terms, this has been the best trip with my mother yet. yes, i realize that i'm jumping the gun and they are here until thursday and it's only monday...but this is big people. it's been three days and we are not at each others' throats. big. big like Star Jones pre-surgery big.

how's about a little friday controversy

2006-08-04T09:41:00.000-04:00

if you're a mamablogger, chances are good that you've seen this article.

I think it's great that Helen Kirwan-Taylor feels comfortable enough to be brutally honest with her audience and let her "dirty little secret" out of the bag. i'm sure there are many mothers reading, nodding their heads, and saying, "thank you" i'm glad you spoke up for me. and i'm sure there are mothers blasting her. how could she??!! what a horrible mother.

i guess i fall somewhere in between.

I believe in a "kids first, me second" approach to parenting. This, in a nutshell, means that yes, i do, in fact, make some time for myself to do things with my friends or with my husband or all alone, but at the end of the day, the KIDS COME FIRST. The ones who are probably blasting Helen for her thoughts are those who believe in a "kids only" approach. their kids are their lives - 100% of the time.

It seems that Helen, however, believes in a "me only" appraoch to parenting, which comes across as being selfish.

I agree that there are parts of parenting that are less than glamorous, or exciting. there are the school plays, and recitals, and struggling at dinnertime, and having to watch the wiggles over and over and over (when all i really want to watch is oprah) and trips to the park, and playing barbies, and reading bedtime stories, and carpool, and birthday parties.

but, folks, these are things that you KNOW come with the territory when you have kids. When you have children, you are saying that you realize that you are putting their needs in front of your own. why have kids at all if you are just going to hire a nanny to do all of those things?

i do, however, feel that putting your chidren's needs in front of yours does not mean that you are required to be down-and-dirty on the floor, with your children, 24 hours a day. i think some "me" time is necessary for a mother's sanity. i don't see anything wrong with taking some time to yourself to grocery shop in peace without having to worry about your children running off, or grabbing things, or the constant, "i want this! i want this!" and i don't see anything wrong with saying no when your son asks you to read the 400 page Shrek book for the 40th time in a week.

There are times when i wonder if i'm less of a mother because i work, or because i don't play polly pockets (i do not. on principle. but i play barbies, and many other less than thrilling 5-year-old games with my daughter) or because i allow my children to have fun at the park and run wild and free. but, the older i get, and the older my children get, i realize that this makes me a better mother. without the "me" time, i was overwhelmed and tired and frustrated (but certainly not bored....) most of the time, and didn't get to appreciate how much fun my kids are and how much i enjoy being around them and spending time with them.

PS - this is why i need to get off blogger. i've been trying to post this ALL freakin' morning.

contests and prizes!!

2006-08-03T09:38:00.000-04:00

well, if Nelly Furtado has crazy horse teeth and stringy hair in real life, then i saw her yesterday at the Starbucks at Yonge and Centre. I could have sworn it was her. anyway, i had ample time to stare and glare since the person i was meeting didn't show up. (don't worry...i'll forgive you this once. but, i skipped a waxing appointment to see you)

anyway, while i was sitting in starbucks, looking slightly ass-y because i was occupying a table for more than 40 minutes and not drinking anything, i got to thinking about today's post, which, is both a desperate plea for help, and a little contest for all of you. i promise there will be a prize. and who doesn't like prizes??!!!

so, (i know Stephanie, you hate sentences that start with so, but it's a sickness, i have, really) here's the deal.
i'm getting my blog the hell off of blogger. i realize that i should have done this ages ago, but, well, i've been lazy. and also, blogger doesn't take much work. anyone can use it.
so, (again), i'm moving it from blogger to wordpress. i know, i'm officially becoming a grown-up, and going to be hosted by dreamhost (because Becca recommended them, and her blog advice i take as gospel), and going to be getting a site re-design.

here's my dilemma. i can't come up with any ideas for what i want to do.
i've been so sick of "I Write, Therefore I Blog." i was stuck when i started this thing soooo long ago. way back in 2004. i'm also getting sick of the lady at the chair. her hands? what the hell is up with her hands? is she some sort of mutant? is she a burn victim? a podperson?

the husband came up with an idea that i like. "Memoirs of Alicia" and do something simple and japanes-y like. i kind of like this idea...but i've always felt that i'm Ali, and not Alicia. do i really want Alicia in the title?? is going a japanes-y route totally un-Ali??

so, here's my plea.
i need an idea. a title (and subtitle, perhaps) and some thoughts on what to do.
if i like yours best, you'll get credit, and a special prize. and i promise, it will be a good one :) so...off you go...you find me an idea. and thanks in advance.

lovely spam

2006-08-02T10:19:00.000-04:00

last night my inlaws took us to see Spamalot.
It was really sweet of them to take us. We used to have a theater subscription, and i loved that fact that with it, we were forced to have a night out 6 times a year. sure, some of the plays were shitty Canadian productions (forced to fill the Canadian content), but some of them were great. i miss it.

but, i had qualms about going. for 2 reasons.
the play is supposed to be based on Monty Python's Holy Grail, a movie i could barely sit through. yes, yes, i am a Monty Python fan. I loved Life of Brian, and often find myself quoting it. "There's no messiah in here. There's a mess alright but no messiah. Now go away!"
i totally get the British humor too. I love Fawlty Towers. Love it.
but Holy Grail? i just didn't find funny. to be fair, we only watched the first 30 minutes, and did enjoy when the french guy called the British guys "pig-dogs"
so, i was nervous that i was going to HATE the play.

the second reason is that i'm sick. my little cold turned into some nasty sinus thing (could possibly be an infection). most of the day i feel like i'm walking in a bubble. i can't hear. my head feels like it's about to explode. and i can't stop blowing my nose. we're talking about one a minute here. and yesterday, on a day that was 100 degress without the humidity, i had a fever. a fever. i had sweats and chills and sweats and chills. i should have been home in my bed.

but, i really didn't want to disappoint my inlaws. it was really sweet of them to buy us tickets. how could i cancel at the last minute?

so, i dragged my sick ass over to their place and we drove down together. i sat in the backseat, praying that i wouldn't pass out. then we went to this resutaruant for dinner. my inlaws rave about this place. vegetarian haven. it's a vegan place that they eat at all the time.
i was shocked at how low-class this place was. not low-class, i guess. just not was i was expecting. dirty silverware. nad service. sticky tabletops. warm water in PLASTIC cups. (plastic is a HUGE no-no for me). but alas, they liked it, so i sucked it up, thanked the lord i had a xanax handy in case of panic attack. the truth is, i couldn't really eat my meal anyway. i can't taste anything these days and just was feeling too crappy to eat. so i didn't.

the play was actually much better than i expected. yes, i did have myself a little nap during part of the show (it was really only about 15 minutes...and i had a freakin' fever folks. i think i am allowed a little latitude here), but the part i saw was quite funny. i did get to hear my pig-dog line, and they stole "always look on the bright side of life" and there was a funny head-butt in the chest (world cup reference) line that i laughed out loud at, ooh..and a little "it's hard out here for a pimp" line.

in the end, i'm glad i went.
but tonight? my ass will be in bed at 8pm. you make book on that missy. (movie? anyone?)

really just a kid

2006-08-01T12:20:00.000-04:00

My 5-year-old, on principle, dislikes anything that her younger brother likes.
First it was Dora. Emily was WAY into Dora. She loved her. Worshipped her. She learned to count in Spanish, she sang all the songs, and played along with the TV.
When Joshua began to show an interest in Dora, Emily lost her interest before he made it through his first episode.
"Dora is sooo for nursery kids, Mommy. Don't you know?"
To Emily, Dora, the Wiggles, Backyardigans and Diego are "baby shows"
She's into all the family channel shows, like Zack and Cody, and Zoey 101, and that Mary Kate and Ashley show from when they were tweens (so little time, maybe?). As far as she's concerned, the only cartoon worth watching is Arthur. maybe. and it has to be a good episode.

but every once in a while, when she doesn't think we're looking, we'll catch her in the act. yelling to Dora that she needs to take the asul path and not the amarillo. waving her hands like wags the dog. singing right along to the backyardigans.

so even though she's so stubborn and doesn't like the "baby shows," at the end of the day, she's just a kid at heart. makes me smile, though, since i've always felt like she was such an old soul. an 18-year-old trapped in the body of a 5-year-old (or really of a 3-year-old, because she's so tiny). i like when i see her acting like a kid.

you sound like you're sick...

2006-07-31T09:40:00.000-04:00

you know when it starts.
you feel that slight tickle in your throat when you yawn.
and then you begin to feel it when you swallow. the knives. feels like knives in your throat.
you've past the point of no return. you're getting a cold and there's nothing you can do about it.
personally, i'm a big believer in medicating. a good regimen of dayquil for day and nyquil for night. gel caps. yes, it does a body good. i can function during the day. i can sleep at night. glorious. unfortunately for me, for the majority of the years 2000-2006 i have either been nursing or pregnant, so alas, medication was ill-advised and therefore, not an option for me.
the husband, on the other hand, is the opposite. he only takes medication in the most dire of circumstances. by choice. insane. he's like those people who insist on NOT having a epidural. like you get extra points for not taking any medication. my dear? that's why they have medication. so you can function. and sleep. and you don't have to make those horrible horking noises all night.

as a slight germophobe by nature - i'm big on washing my hands, not sharing drinks...that sort of thing, how do i avoid getting a cold. a sars mask? one of those new asian solar visors?

seriously...i could just die laughing from these things. the neighborhood around my office is primarily asian. and i would say about 80% of the people i see walking around are wearing these visors.
from afar they look very medieval times.
from up close they look very storm trooper-esque.

here's to hoping the solar visor craze doesn't catch on.
and that none of you out there catch my stinkin' cold.

all wet

2006-07-31T09:21:00.000-04:00

this is a good indicator of how Isabella spent her weekend.
~going to the water park at Canada's Wonderland. she wasn't quite sure about the sprinklers. she was fascinated and wanted to go closer, but the second we got near she got a little scared.
~swimming at Jack and Ilana's pool. this kid is a total water baby. she loves the water. splashing and kicking. she didn't want to get out.
~we're not even going to talk about the many showers she had to have over the weekend...the poor girl pooped through her diaper every night. (we've decided to switch back to pampers. to hell with sales and cheap huggies. they are SOOOO not worth it)
which brings me to the most embarrassing thing (well, one of them) that has ever happened to me. isabella liked getting into the shower with me. mostly, though, she liked my nipples. yes. like buttons for her to push. she was absolutely fascinated. which is why the shower was a short one. while this was a fun game for Isabella, it was hardly joyous for Mama.
so...my inlaws came over for lunch yesterday and afterwards, Emily turns to my FATHER-IN-LAW and says, "you know what, Sabba? My sister likes to pretend that my mommy's nipples are buttons and she pushes them in and out."
dying, i was. i'm probably still 10 shades of red from it.
and i will never be able to look at my father in law again. ever.

Oh, the Places You'll Go #2

2006-07-28T09:20:00.000-04:00

Canadian Mama Bloggers:

1. NinePoundDictator
It's Rebecca Eckler, folks. Need i even say more??

2. Martinis For Milk
ah...a girl after my own heart. she writes about wife swapping and putting the gay (anyone surprised by this news?) Lance Bass in space.

3. The Cheaty Monkey
Someone i actually know! in real life! Haley's a good friend and an ex-cowker (but don't get me started on that) and her cute little monkey turns 1 today!!!

4. MUBAR
she's queen of all things Toronto. The Toronto Mommy's survival guide? yeah, she writes that, too.

5. Sometimes Holland Feels Like Hell
she's Irish. and she's awesome. she's got two adorable boys and a babe on the way. and i know her in real life too. well, kind of.

they come from a world of hockey. and curling.
where people eat poutine. and kraft dinner. and timbits. and coffee crisp. and homo milk (out of a bag).
where people use toonies and loonies instead of bills.
where they have victoria day and boxing day. and thanksgiving is in October.
where people use words like hoser. and tuque. and two-four.
where the beaver is a truly noble animal.
where people shop at roots. and canadian tire.
where people say "eh" and zed

they are awesome.
and there are so many more out there. Jodi. Naomi. what about you? who's your favorite Canadian Blogger?

ipods, etc.

2006-07-27T12:34:00.000-04:00

i am officially the proud owner of a brand new ipod.
sure...it's only a 4th generation.

but it has 20 whole spanking gbs. i'm SOOO excited.
and i got it on ebay.
for $100!
take that apple! one. hundred. dollars.

it's apple's fault that i had to go to my good pal ebay to find me what i wanted.
here's what apple offers:
a) a shuffle. teeny weeny. holds like 2 songs and you can only play them on shuffle. (fine, fine, it holds more than 2, but it's a 512. VERY SMALL)

b) a nano. it's nice to look at, sure. and it's very small. terrific. but...apple only offers it in 1, 2 or 4 gb sizes. um..i don't think so...

c) a video. in 30gb or 60 gb. tons of storage space. more than i'd ever need. and it has video. which i'd never use.

what about the people who want more than 4 gb but don't need the super fancy 30gb video??? there are no options here.
what the hell?
oh, and also...i won a bid on a cover and an armstrap...for, get this, one penny. one stinkin' little penny. i'm so excited. and also completely addicted to ebay. what else do you think i can win for under a nickel???

notes

2006-07-26T10:06:00.000-04:00

Canadian Idol. what the heck (that was for you, baby) is wrong with Canada? no, seriously. Didn't the judges just get through telling Sarah that she had the strongest singing voice...in the entire competition??? and then BAM! voted off. does someone need to explain to these voters that you are voting for who you want to stay...not who you want to leave? come on, people, i realize that she chose a bad song. when you are singing Rolling Stones...you best be choosing to sing something everyone knows. that way, even if you butcher it, people are singing along and don't really notice (ala Brandon). but Sarah?

Rock Star. anyone else praying for Zayra to be kicked to the curb?? my god, she's awful. and zayra? sweetie? that jetsons-style jumpsuit wasn't going to save that fact that you can't hit a freakin' note. Dana won't last long in this competition, but at least she's taking the criticism and working with it. not like Jill, the whore. she was humping Gilby a little too much for my taste. ew.
my top three: Dilana, Storm, Toby (with an honourable mention to Lukas)
my bottom three: Jill, Zayra, and Phil

Manorexics. Okay, so a few nights ago I watched Before Sunset. y'all know what i'm talkin' about. the Ethan Hawke and Julie Delphy sequel that we waited about a decade for.
i enjoyed it. but i have to say, i was somewhat distracted by Ethan's manorexia. seriously. don't believe me? check it out for yourself.
here is Ethan, looking all scruffy and delicious (and all Reality Bites-esque. mmmm)in Before Sunrise:

and here is Ethan, looking all cancer-patient and crackhead-y in Before Sunset:

ps. now this is so totally random. remember when that whole thing went down with Ethan Hawke having the sordid affair with the Montreal girl. Remember? it's what broke up his marriage to the lovely Uma (Uma. Oprah. Uma. Oprah). Anyway...well, my sister in law Adina not only knows this girl, she plays baseball with her. funny.

the carnivores

2006-07-25T20:00:00.000-04:00

i don't think that the husband could have been happier.
his two little bunnies...devouring steak.
me? i had the veggie burger, thank you very much.
i am sooo outnumbered around these parts.

Possession

2006-07-25T09:28:00.000-04:00

An evening in reverse.

11:00pm. Emily wanders into our room. "I need a drink. my throat hurts."
9:00ish. Emily finally stops screaming bloody murder. takes her blanket and pillow. goes up the stairs and goes to sleep. the husband and i breathe a sigh of relief.
8:45pm. Emily and the husband are in the laundry room. that's where Emily is spending the night. on the floor. this is a trick we learned from our good friends. the idea of spending the night on the cold floor of the laundry room scared the shit out of Emily.
8:00pm. one last chance. we (well, i agreed. because i'm the softie. and there's only so much crying and screaming a mother can listen to) agree to open the door and the shades if she'll stop crying. i think - for a split second - that it might work. no go. door is closed. shades are shut.
7:30pm. her shades get closed. she's getting unhappier and unhappier. and the screaming is getting worse.
7:15pm. her door gets closed. there's too much screaming.
7:00pm. we take Emily upstairs. she's still screaming. I try to reason with her. she's 5. she should be the one i can reason with. no go. "I want dessert! I want dessert!" camera comes out once again. i taped the screaming fit for posterity (or for when she brings a boyfriend home). i will hold it for ransom.
6:30pm. dessert goes badly. we say no to dunkaroos. like any normal parent. yes, i want my child having cookies and and big ole' tub of icing before bed. we give them a choice - 5 little candies or half a winkie. the boy isn't happy. but, dessert of any kind is better than nothing. he shrugs and takes the candies. he enjoys them. not Emily.
Emily freaks out. the choices were not to her liking. she throws a full-out hot-blooded exorcism-like tantrum.
I tape it. because i can't stop laughing. so, we tell her she can't have dessert.

ah, the joys of parenting.

We are no longer on speaking terms...

2006-07-24T11:28:00.000-04:00

I had so many things to write about this morning, but now Blogger and I are in a huge fight. It seems I picked a good time to call on my friend Becca to get me the heck off of Blogger and move me onto something bigger and better. And prettier.

I was going to tell you all about the pool party I went to last night. And about my new tankini. and, no, it does not become see-through when wet. thank the lord.
I was going to tell you about my committment to go to the gym 4 times this week, mostly because my nanny joined the gym and goes EVERY SINGLE DAY after work. Every day.
I was going to tell you that I’m scrapbooking again.
I was going to tell you about the ipod I want to get and ask for some advice from all you wise internets out there.
I was going to tell you about my little bugger who is getting tooth #2 as we speak. And she bit her big sister yesterday. And broke the skin.
I was going to tell you about my favorite pair of shoes that I love and can’t bear to get rid of, even though they are falling apart.
I was going to tell you about the fact that I never used to cross my legs at my desk…because it’s supposed to be bad for you…and now, for some reason, i.can’t.stop. help me!!!

I was going to tell you about all of these things. But, instead, I’m giving blogger the silent treatment. We are sooo in a fight now.

Oh, the Places You'll Go

2006-07-21T10:16:00.000-04:00

Places you should visit today:
1. one red paperclip
it all started with a red paperclip. one year and 14 trades later, and Kyle MacDonald has successfully traded his paper clip for a house. yes, folks. an actual house. with an address!

2. PostSecret
it doesn't get much better than this.
secrets mailed in anonymously.
The secret can be a regret, hope, funny experience, unseen kindness, fantasy, belief, fear, betrayal, erotic desire, feeling, confession, or childhood humiliation.

3. Gawker
one of my most favorite guilty pleasures.
it's got it all. the break-ups. the babies. the betrayals. the boozing. the backstabbing. the breaking news.
and those are just the b's.

guess what we've got!!!!

2006-07-20T08:22:00.000-04:00

and...a bonus video. because she's just so freakin' cute ;)

unfit mother, once again...

2006-07-19T09:12:00.000-04:00

Behold!
it's Isabella's favorite toy:

actually, truth be told, it's her ONLY toy.
well, that's a lie, actually. aaron and adrienne were kind enough to lend me this:

so, my almost-one-year old will have something to play with...you know...other than remotes and wipes containers.

the truth is that she's outgrown those baby, baby toys.
those? we have about 500. we've got lamaze and whoozits and rattles and teethers and inchworms and keys and flutterbugs up the wazoo. seriously. hundreds. but...in the around-a-year stage toys?? i can't even remember what my other two were playing with at the time.

any suggestions? ideas?
favorite toys? toys you'd NEVER recommend?
help for a third-time mother with a serious case of amnesia?
(i'm thinking that the boy played with BOY toys - fisher price airport and fire station and the like and i can't, for the life of me, remember what Emily played with.)

all the cool kids are doing it...

2006-07-18T16:44:00.000-04:00

Beth did it.
Amy did it.

so, it seems i've jumped on the belly bandwagon.
i took the picture a couple days ago.
and have been avoiding putting it up.
it's all thanks to this website, The Shape of a Mother.
seriously y'all? it's amazing.
these women are so brave and wonderful and amazing and beautiful. each and every one of them. with their stretch marks and their flab and their pooches (i don't have stretch marks, but i'm all over the flab and pooch. sexy, i know.)

this is me, just before Isabella was born:

this is me, now. un-airbrushed. un-photoshopped (and don't think i didn't want to):

so...there you have it.
now i will run away, all shy and red-faced.

water me, please!

2006-07-18T08:59:00.000-04:00

so, it seems that taking an advanced step and abs class when it's 99 degrees outside, when you haven't had enough to drink and there was something wrong with the air conditioning in the gym, is not the best idea.
it ended badly. i won't get into specifics...but it involved the toilet. and also dry heaves.
wow. dehydration sucks.
i'm achy this morning. from the class...jesus, i really worked myself hard. i'm annoyed, though, because i LOVED the class. I was so impressed with myself that i was able to keep up even though i had no clue what i was doing. from the puking. from being up half the night.
yikes.
well, the good news is that i was able to catch the 11:00 Canadian Idol. although i missed most of Sarah Loverock (i heard her from the bathroom, though. he)

my early favorites are:
Eva. i hope she wins. she's got both stage presence and vocals. love her.
Tyler. i liked his performance. hey, it's no rockstar:supernova, but he had a great time up there, and i rather enjoyed it.
Brandon. but mostly because i want to take him home and bake him some cookies or something.
Sarah. i didn't see her performance last night, but generally i like her.

and i think that Kati is going home. or maybe Rob?

three random things.

2006-07-17T09:01:00.000-04:00

it's very rare for me to pick up a book, start reading it, and just not be able to finish it. The English Patient. couldn't get through. i'd find myself reading and rereading and rereading the same pages. The Alphabet Sisters. HATED it. i kept reading and thought it was going to get better...and then it just didn't.
conversely, it's rare for me to pick up and book and just not be able to put it down.
usually, for me, books fall somewhere in the middle of these two extremes. the first few pages go pretty slowly and then at some point in the first few chapters, the book hooks me, and a few days, weeks, months (usually not months) later...i'm finished.
so, on Saturday morning, when i picked up "The Time Traveler's Wife" i was shocked at how this book sucked me in. I was already reading "Reading Lolita in Tehran" and was mildly into it, but it was upstairs and i was lazy. so i picked up the book and started reading. and i couldn't put it down. All day on Saturday i was dying to get back to it. and by Saturday night, I was a woman possessed. at every half hour mark, i promised myself, only half an hour more. 11:30, 12, 12:30, 1, 1:30, 2:00...i kept thinking, "Ali, this is a huge mistake...your kids are going to be up in a few hours" but i couldn't stop. it was ridiculous. i read that whole stinkin' book. all 518 pages of it.
and i LOVED it. i wanted more. i didn't want it to end.

* * * * * * * * * *

I usually only weigh myself twice a week. (this is good for me. i'm down from doing it every day...) friday afternoons -when i weigh the least and monday mornings - when i weigh the most.
it's usually pretty consistent. i'm 104 on friday afternoon and 108-109 on monday mornings (now don't go start saying..."oh, poor Ali, she weighs all of the same as my right leg"...remember that i'm a little girl and i'm 5'2 on a good day when i'm wearing shoes. i'm supposed to NOT weigh a lot) it makes sense to me, i guess. i watch what i eat during the week - religiously - because it's easy. and on the weekends? i totally let myself go. i eat whatever i want. an entire tray of brownies? sure! half a tub of half-baked ice cream? why not? an entire bag of twizzlers? bring it on!

so, imagine my surprise when i got on the scale this past friday - - - the VERY week that i had decided to give up baked goods...cookies, cake, etc. - - - and the scale said 109. 109! i almost died. my first thought was that the scale was wrong. broken. had to be. but, then i went into my closet, and like a crazy woman i tried on all my clothing. and NOTHING was fitting me. nothing.
so, i put on an elastic-waisted skirt and got drunk on vanilla vodka and diet pepsi. drown my sorrows in alcohol. nice one, Ali.

sunday morning didn't prove to be any better. the scale was tipping at 111. 111. i can't even remember the last time i weighed that much. i can't freakin' remember. that's how long ago it was. this morning was slightly better. i'm down to 110. down. can you just die. down.

so, i freaked out a little bit this morning. i was crying. throwing clothing. mumbling to myself. the works. note to all you husbands out there: when your wife is freaking out because she's spontaneously fat, the correct answer is not "Well, have you been going to the gym three times a week??" not. the. right. answer. not even close, bud. to be fair to my husband, there probably was no right answer here. tell me i'm skinny? i'll call you a liar. tell me i'm looking bigger? i'll cry some more.

well...i've stuffed my bloated body into something that doesn't zip up the entire way, and i've come to terms with this. it's monday morning. i'm starting fresh. i've got the entire week to lose this weight, and my god, i'm SOO losing this weight.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Entourage was so good last night.
Eric has his first threesome.
Ari has several awesome breakdowns.
Lloyd kicks ass...but only gets paid in yen.
The boys are fucked.

Friday's Feast

2006-07-14T10:38:00.000-04:00

Feast One Hundred & Two
Appetizer
Name one thing nice that you could do for someone else today.
i am helping my friend Ilana with her fundraiser...so when i went to the employee store (yes, I got in this week and didn't get kicked out...it helps that i came to work dressed like sporty spice...!!) i didn't buy a thing for myself...everything i got was for the fundraiser.

Soup
When was the last time you were frightened by the weather?
it was actually just this week. i am not usually afraid of weather....but sometimes i get frightened by lightning that looks like it's close to the ground. and it rained and rained and rained one day this week...(monday?) and i was a little scared..i know, i'm a wuss.

Salad
What would you say is the most useful website or blog that you visit?
useful? http://pro.corbis.com/ I use it on a daily basis for work.

Main Course
Who was your favorite singer/group when you were a child?
wow. there are too many. i had my new kid on the block stage (what girl didn't?!) so i really liked them when i was 12. after that i was all over the place musically, even as a kid. for a while i was very into u2, Billy Joel, Elton John...etc. then, i moved on to alternative - green day, smashing pumpkins, stone temple pilots, pearl jam and the like and then at 16, for a short while, i was heavily influenced by some cool new yorkers (well, they were cool at the time) and went heavy into heavier things like candlebox and nine inch nails. then i moved on to the chicks - - Sarah McLachlan and Indigo Girl-y.
and now i'm totally still all over the place. i can appreciate all walks of music.

Dessert
Do you have any rituals? If so, what are they?
rituals? well, i do the same thing in the shower every day, in the same order....that seems ritualistic to me...does that count?

Canada Got It Wrong...

2006-07-13T09:52:00.000-04:00

Nancy and Keith should have been in the top ten.
that's all i'm sayin...

I'll sell you my first born for a cookie

2006-07-13T08:55:00.000-04:00

she'll be a delight. you won't even notice she's there. well...
~until you ask her to get dressed....and she has a full-blown fit because she wants to wear this dress to camp and you want her to wear sensible CAMP clothing.
~until you are trying to blow your hair DRY and she comes in and runs your brush (the one you are using) under the water so she can flatten her hair
~until you are giving her breakfast and she can't handle the fact that you won't allow her to eat froot loops in the family room. (or any other meal, for that matter)
~until the meal is over and is begging you for dessert. "i want dessert! i want dessert! i want dessert!" for half an hour straight.
~until you want to put something on tv for her and the ONLY thing she wants to watch is Beverly Hills, 90210.
~until you try to get a word in edge-wise but she doesn't let you because her mouth doesn't close. ever.
~until you lock yourself in your room to try to get two minutes of peace to use the bathroom and check your email and she goes into the nursery and presents herself on the monitor "um...i don't think you are, like, listening to me. i have a problem. i think it's time we consider getting rid of joshie."
~until she wants you to put her hair in a bun...but clearly your buns aren't good enough. so she cries about it.
~until you tell her that she can't come into your room, so she pounds on the door and kicks and screams until you let her in out of fear of her kicking the door down.
~until you want to put her to bed and she wants 5 more minutes, a story, her songs, 5 more minutes, fill up her water, wait...stay and snuggle for one more minute, another minute, wait, my stomach's hurting me, joshie hurted my leg at camp, i need you to cut my toenails....

hmm...i'm doing going to be able to sell her, am i?
shoot, and i am dying for a cookie this morning, too.

because it's hump day

2006-07-12T11:04:00.000-04:00

Overkill

2006-07-12T09:14:00.000-04:00

it's over, Johnny.

this ridiculous obsession with baked goods.
cake, cookies, brownies, muffins, what have you.
it's seriously out of control.
damn you, starbucks, and your amazing lemon poppy seed loaf
damn you, dunkin hines, and your amazing brownie mix (that i could eat in batter form, as well as in brownie form)

i'm done i tell you.
desserts, be gone.
except for these. these are allowed.

please, if you see me, and you see me reaching for the dessert...just slap a big ole hand on my ass or do a little pillsbury dough boy finger push into my belly flab. i'll get your hint. trust me.

I've got Soul but i'm not a Soldier

2006-07-11T09:03:00.000-04:00

in the last few months, i have heard:
"XXX doesn't like you because you once gave her a recipe and sabotaged it."
"XXX thinks you don't like her."
"XXX doesn't like you because once she saw you and you weren't overly friendly to her."
"XXX doesn't like you because you're snobby."
"XXX thinks you don't like her because instead of looking at her, you look through her."
"XXX and i were talking and we think it's weird that you and XXX are friends."

okay, first of all, sabotaging a recipe? seriously, who does that?? (i mean, of course, besides Marie Barone??) that's entirely NOT my style. if i don't want you to have a recipe, i'll say no. i wouldn't go to the trouble to destroy it for you. especially since you are a good friend.
second of all....people think it's weird if i'm friends with someone else? who has the time in their lives to sit and think about why people are friends with other people?? seriously??
and why do all these people think i don't like them?

i feel like i'm stuck in a time loop and i keep having to relive the 10th grade.
it's karma, isn't it?
karma, for not being a nice girl in high school. for being icy, for being mean, and for being snobby.

i feel like this is a battle i just can't win. and i don't know - truth be told - if i'm up for the fight.
~how do you convince people who think you're one way that you aren't?
~how do make someone see that if you turned your head to someone, maybe it was because you were having a bad day, and it had nothing to do with them?
~how do you let someone know that maybe you don't come up to them in a crowd because you feel like you might say something stupid, so you avoid saying anything at all?
~how do you tell people that you have stresses in your life...you have money issues, you have kid issues, you have job issues??

you can't really.
but, my god, no wonder all girls have self esteem issues.

note to self

2006-07-10T14:53:00.000-04:00

self, in the future, don't drink too much and then announce:
"Wow, there sure are a lot of Jewish noses at this party"

kiss of death.

2006-07-07T09:23:00.000-04:00

Question:
so, Matt, what are you going to sing to show us that you can rock HARDER?

Answer:
oh, i think i'll sing Duran Duran.

right...nice choice...

in other Rockstar news,
Dilana scares the crap out of me...but she's awesome.

I am Jack's Complete Lack of Surprise

2006-07-07T07:44:00.000-04:00

there are a few words my daughter says:
dada, um, up, hi, bye bye (which sounds like die-die), yes ...typical baby words.

and last night she added a new one to her repertoire...
hot dog.

i'm not even joking.
the husband took out some hot dogs to make for the kids and she made a beeline for them and starting grunting and salivating.
I said, "Isabella, do you want a hot dog?"
and she started giggling and smiling and screaming in delight.
and then she looked at me and said, "hock gog"
plain as day.
and then she said it about 50 more times.
"hock gog. hock gog. hock gog."
figures. my porker of a baby says hot dog.

before she properly says, "Mama"
as least i know where her priorities lie...

zoos are for chumps

2006-07-06T10:03:00.000-04:00

Now this is for me.
It's not a secret. the husband and i are NOT big zoo-goers. we'll go once a year. or we'll go when we are in Milwaukee and there's NOTHING else to do, and we can't stand another day of just sitting around on our asses doing nothing.
Riverdale Farm, sure. it's a farm. it's interactive. as is Bowmanville Zoo.
i don't really have the animal cruelty issues, or what have you.
i just think they are boring as hell.
how many times can you go to the same zoo and look at the same animals doing nothing but being lazy? sure, you may get lucky and get some active animals (ooh...everyone hopes for the monkeys going at it, until their children turn to them and say, "mommy, WHAT are they doing???), but usually, they are just sunbathing. or scratching their asses. or sleeping. there's nothing like getting your kids exciting to see some snoring animals!
also, there seems to be a tremendous amount of WALKING at the zoo. each exhibit seems miles away from the next. why do they do this? oh...i know...so after one long stretch my 5-year-old will say, "i'm sooo tired. and hot. and hungry. and thirsty. i hate the zoo." and then about 15 minutes later, you can hear me saying the exact same thing...
maybe it's just because if i'm going to spend that much money, i want some excitement. i'd rather get canada's wonderland passes. or i'd rather go to African Lion Safari. now THAT is good times! I even enjoy a good aquarium (the new one in Atlanta is AMAZING), but i don't think i could go more than once or twice.
i have NOTHING against people who love the zoo. some people do! (it's the whole 'not that there's anything wrong with that' thing) we have many friends who have season passes and go all the time. that's great for them.
it's just not my bag, baby.

as always, ignore the crappy scanner...

2006-07-05T19:54:00.000-04:00

thanks, Orah, for giving me this idea!!

Happy 4th!

2006-07-04T19:26:00.000-04:00

shamelessly lifted from Kimba, but i'm giving her all the credit, so that counts, right?

Time Warping

2006-07-04T11:40:00.000-04:00

after i finished watching Canadian Idol yesterday (holy crap...i'm addicted. embarrassed...but addicted...i even voted. yes, i voted, people. what's wrong with me??), i watched a Beverly Hills, 90210 marathon.

i'm so happy that this show is in syndication in canada, you have no idea. this show was such a huge part of my life for so long. the guys? I'm totally a Dylan kind of girl. the girls? always liked Brenda better. a girl who goes out of her way to find Balzac's house...anyone remember the first thing Dylan said to Brenda when they first kissed??? "You are so warm." could you die? that's seriously the weirdest thing i've ever heard.

watching now, though, it's hysterical to see how dated the show actually is. and it wasn't even THAT long ago. the high-waisted, belted, tapered-leg jeans. the baggy pants, tight-rolled at the ankle. the vests. jesus, the vests. david's mc-hammer/vanilla ice button down shirts with the mock collars. the hairstyles. the bangs. oh, the bangs. the sideburns. the giant sunglasses. and that's just seasons 1 and 2....

we're not even going to get into the long, flowy flowered dresses and the chokers....

"Donna Martin graduates! Donna Martin graduates!"

for the talk-show circuit

2006-07-03T09:44:00.000-04:00

so, when you hear that someone you know who has been married for 20 years is getting divorced, you are slightly shocked.
and then when you hear of another couple you know, who has five kids under 6, are getting divorced, you are slightly more shocked.
and then when you hear of yet another couple you know who has been married for a while and has kids is getting divorced because the WIFE has a girlfriend, you are even more shocked.
but nothing can prepare you for what the husband and I found out last week. nothing.
and shock doesn't even begin to scratch the surface.

so, another couple that we know, one that we know VERY well, or at least thought we did, are getting divorced.
why?
because the man in the relationship is becoming a woman.

it's a lot of information to digest.
(but, i think this might be the closest i'll ever get to being on Oprah!!)

Come Home Tova!!

2006-07-03T09:20:00.000-04:00

this is what happens when mothers leave their children with their fathers:

c'mon. it's funny.

2006-06-30T16:17:00.000-04:00

i've been pretty kind to Brit Brit of late...but this was just screaming to be posted.

happy canada day

2006-06-30T15:39:00.000-04:00

so, i'm working monday.
so, while the entire country is bbq-ing and holiday-ing, i'll be work-ing.
but, the good news is that i got the day off today.

want to hear what thrilling and oh-so-exciting things i did with my day off???
well, for starters, i left the house at 8 (actually EARLIER than on a regular work day), rode the bus halfway downtown, then realized i had left one of the important forms that i needed, got off the subway, got back on going to opposite way, got the form, stopped at starbucks and got a quick coffee with the husband, and got right back on the subway again.
made it to the US consulate at 10:30 (only 2 hours after i thought i'd be there), got a number - 096 - when they were only on 78 - and sat and waited. and waited. and waited.
but- dromroll please - by just a few minutes after 12, the paperwork was complete and my daughter isabella has officially claimed her US citizenship. woohoo! just in time for her to celebrate her independence on tuesday.

are you getting jealous yet??

then i came home, yelled at my daughter because she broke a mirror and immersed my brush in water (ew). yelled at my son for wiping his face on his clean white t-shirt. took the three kids for pictures. came home. dropped them off. went back to the superstore and went food shopping.

i need to learn how to actually TAKE a day off.
i need a nap.

bitches

2006-06-29T10:06:00.000-04:00

i have a serious bone to pick with those stupid bitches who run the employee store.
the fucking women who just kicked me out.
because i was wearing heels.
in the warehouse.
what the fuck?
i was already in there. they let me in. didn't even notice my shoes.
i had a bag full of stuff.
i asked if i could just pay for my stuff and then leave.
they said no. safety hazard or some such shit.
but i had to leave anyway. i had to walk out just the same.
i wasn't even asking for them to let me stay longer.
just to pay for the bag that i had already filled. with the Robert Munsch jackpot. seriously, i had about 30 books in the bag.
but no.
jesus. i'm fucking pissed off.

please excuse my language.

okay...bias aside

2006-06-29T09:26:00.000-04:00

how freakin' cute is my kid????

crappity crap crap

2006-06-28T10:27:00.000-04:00

i'm always the last to know...yessiry. i'm a copycat. Dooce did the clog thing. check it out, because it's hilarious (i was going to write fuckin' but the husband commented about how my blog is full of swearing these days....well, note to said husband, maybe if you didn't leave for a week to go to Israel and leave me with a very sick, possibly whooping cough-ridden child and a child who destroys cameras, i wouldn't need to swear so much...but, i digress). And then, my girl crush, RSM, had to go and be all croc-block-y. so, it's unoriginal to talk about the croc faze that's sweeping the nation. but, it MUST be talked about.

so, every morning for the past week and a half, as i'm desperately trying to escape from the death grips of my children and get out the door ("wait Mama, i need a hug and a kiss!" "just one more" "don't go to work!" "jhoanne isn't giving me froot loops" "i want chocolate milk"), Emily has slipped in a coy, little, "and don't forget to buy my crocs on the way home."

Maya got in the car a few weeks ago, wearing her crocs proudly.
"My bubbie bought these for us. for me and for Kyra. We are the coolest girls in school! i can't believe i have them. Kyra's the first in her class to get them! Emily you NEED them. they are the most popular shoes in the world right now. Emily, you NEED to get them. They are so comfortable. you see these things on the foot part, Ali? They actually MASSAGE your feet!! Can you believe it??!! Emily you NEED to get them."

and, like that, i have a possessed girl. just call her Emily Rose. think we should Exorcise the croc demons within her?

okay...so here's my take on these things.
Crocs are not cute or sassy or fashionable.
they are UGLY.
they are foam. and have holes all over them.
they are neon. neon, people!!
they are for gardeners. or fishermen. or boaters.
they are girly. i hate to say it, but i laugh my ass off when i see them on men. even if they are black or brown in some lousy attempy to masculine-ize them. they are GIRLY.

but, they certainly are trendy.
and i must admit...i find this curious. what is it about these crocs that are making everyone run to buy a pair??? anyone? anyone? Bueller? anyone want to try to sell me on these ugly things?

my daughter will have at least 3 pairs by the end of the summer.
because i told her to call my mom and ask her for them
and that's exactly what she did.

as we go on...we remember....

2006-06-26T22:09:00.000-04:00

All the times we had together

And as our lives change, come whatever

We will still be, friends forever

didn't think i'd still remember those Vitamin C words, now did ya???
well...i'd like to thank Ms. Paterson for teaching the entire junior kindergarten this song because now i can't freakin' get it out of my head.
oh, and also for being the best teacher Emily's ever had (i realize...she's only 5...but she really IS a great, great teacher)

***and don't challenge me because i remember every word to that song.

gift giving

2006-06-26T11:34:00.000-04:00

I just got finished telling Rebecca that for end-of-the-year teachers' gifts, i'm a big fan of the gift card.
Before winter vacation i give Starbucks. End of the year, it's Homesense. that's my "usual."

you really can't go wrong with the gift card.
you don't have to spend a fortune (although 10-15-20 dollars a shot and Emily had 3 teachers and Joshua had 2....it's not cheap either).
you don't have to give it a lot of thought. and they are relatively easy to get. and you don't have to worry about wrapping it.
you know it's something they will use. instead of something they will put on a shelf somewhere with all the other tacky and unusable parent gifts.

I used to think that a gift card was a little cop-out-y of a gift.
it's not quite cash - they don't trust that you will spend your cash wisely, so they make sure you can only spend it in one place.
it's not quite a gift - they wanted to buy you a gift at the Gap, but instead, bought youthis lovely card.

but, in the last few years, i've grown to appreciate gift cards.
they are awesome!
because i am a person who wouldn't spend cash wisely. i'm a person who would stick it in her wallet and end up using it all up, bit by bit, on paying for parking and school trips and frozen yogurt. and at the end of the day, that becomes the suckiest gift ever.
because i am a picky person. if someone buys me something from the gap. 19 times out of 20 i will return it. it's a big problem that i have. i return EVERYTHING. so, a gift card beats me to the punch. there's nothing to return. and i can call you up at the end of the day and say, "hi, mother and father in law, i love the new gym bag and underarmour workout tank you bought me for my birthday!"
see...everyone's happy.

odds

2006-06-25T11:16:00.000-04:00

15% chance my baby has whooping cough.
great.

ETA: yes, she's been immunized. i'm not one of THOSE mothers (not that there's anything wrong with that....). it seems that babies can still get it.

ETA: the good news: WOOOOOHOOOOO. we are 100% WHOOPING COUGH free! yay! i'm jumping for joy. i'm SOOO happy. the bad news: they've upped her steroid puffer to two times a day. poor little lamb.

consensus?

2006-06-23T10:16:00.000-04:00

what do y'all think?
hideous? nice?

i'm going with definite improvement. makes her look less trashy. now maybe if she can stay away from walking barefoot in bathrooms and eating cheetoes while wearing black bras under white shirts...we could be looking at a new and improved Brit Brit.

Talk about Awkward...

2006-06-23T08:26:00.000-04:00

there's nothing like lying down in bed with your 5-year-old at bedtime and while you are singing Edelweiss, she looks at you and says,
"um, Mama, your boob is on my pillow."

holy shit! my boob had literally fallen out of my shirt and was just lying there.
so, i lifted the ole girl up and put her back into my bra and tank top.

i'm all class.

The Awkward Department Social

2006-06-22T13:06:00.000-04:00

Today there was a "surprise" man-shower for a guy at work who is getting married.
It was a pot-luck lunch.
which i find awkward even when it's with good friends.

awkward since i have issues. issues with being picky. and not liking to eat other peoples' food. even when its friends (not all friends...you know if i eat at your house...). so, imagine when it's not friends. people's kitchens i have never entered.

awkward since my department is a social mess. conversations never seem to be normal. sometimes they come across as being very first-datey, when you don't know all that much about the other person. they are superficial at best. sometimes they are about work stuff, which i can't stand. sometimes they are about the weather (could you get any more superficial??) and impending fire drills.

i, smartly, placed myself right next to my boss. prime location for a little ass-kissing. a little sucking up, especially when you are coming up a contract renewal, never hurts. i talked to her about my cookie addiction (prompted by her noticing that i wasn't eating anything) and about celebrities. she surprisingly knew more than i'd thought.

and there was coffee. free coffee. so, you gotta know that i'm all over that.
and now i'm on a little bit of a caffeine high.

girls' night out couldn't have come at a better time

2006-06-21T10:57:00.000-04:00

it's amazing the things that you tell your girl friends.
i told them about how i really hated Lord of the Rings. Well, hated is a bit strong. i thought the first was okay, the second was meh, and the third was incredibly hard to sit through. the saving grace? Legolas. mmm...Legolas. the only time i've ever thought that Orlando Bloom was hot.
i told them that the husband and i have trouble doing things together since i won't play xbox (because he always wins) and he won't play board games (because i always win).
i told them what kind of underwear i prefer.
and everything else i told them, and you know that you want to know, stays between the three of us. because what happens at Tomo, stays at Tomo.

morning math

2006-06-20T09:21:00.000-04:00

1 broken camera +
1 guilty little boy (i know because of the 45 pictures he took of himself with said camera) +
1 angry, tired, frustrated mommy +
1 blankie in the garbage =

1 very guilty mommy this morning.
that was my first big time punishment.

pooped

2006-06-19T09:28:00.000-04:00

children have this uncanny ability.
they sense when you are going away and they pick that moment, that most inopportune moment, to puke. or fall and break something. whatever it is, it's always before you go away. or while you are away. always.
so, with the husband's impending trip, i just assumed someone was going to get sick. it just seems i was looking in the wrong place. i thought it would be the boy or the girl. little did i know that it was the baby. the baby who is NEVER sick decided to get sick. and REALLY sick.
thank god for Dr. Jack and my mother in law, because without them, i don't think i'd be sitting upright right now. it started saturday night. the wheezing. the heavy breathing. the raspy coughing and the bark. oh, that croupy bark. i hate that.
but on sunday she was all smiles. no rasp. no wheeze. no bark.
i wanted to get her checked out before the husband left.
so, Dr. Jack gave us a puffer. which i used before bed last night.

she was up at 3. and i was so scared.
she was crying hysterically. every time she coughed, she cried. it was obvious that it was hurting her.
her breathing was so labored. i brought her into bed with me. changed her diaper and gave her a bottle a water. she collapsed into me and i could feel her chest moving up and down so quickly and sharply. it was so scary. and then her eyes rolled back in her head and i got flashes of "there's something that's just NOT right."
i went downstairs. starting packing us up to head to the ER.
i went down to tell jhoanne that i was leaving the older 2 sleeping upstairs and she should listen out for them.
then i thought that sitting around in a waiting room for 4 hours was going to be pointless.
so, we undressed and the two of us got into the shower. hoping that the steam would help.
then, we got into the bath. hoping that the warm water would soothe her.
she finally fell asleep at some point this morning. i'm not really sure what time it was. it was sometime before 6:30, because that was when the Emily brigade trickled in. i was so not conscious that when i woke up at 7:30, i realized that she was watching The Stepford Wives. (should i worry?).

when Isabella woke up at 8. she was all smiles. no rasp. no wheeze. no bark.
it's really bizarre.
i came to work today. not sure what else to do. i told jhoanne to call me if she starts to wheeze at all.
i'm worried. i'm scared. i'm tired. i'm alone.
this sucks.
this is the most difficult part of parenting. knowing that this little creature depends on me to know what to do...and sometimes i just have no fucking clue what to do.

i'm been meme-struck

2006-06-16T17:38:00.000-04:00

5 things in my refrigerator:
1. 2% milk. in a bag. i still can't get over this concept and i've lived in Canada for 9 years. i will NOT drink milk from a bag. no ma'am.
2. diet pepsi cans.
3. about 5 half-empty baby food jars
4. Frank's red hot. mmmm..Frank's red hot. goes on everything
5. leftover pizza from last night's dinner

5 things in my closet:
1. about 500 extra hangers
2. my skinniest jeans that i know i'll NEVER fit into, but they inspire me
3. a chessboard (what it's doing in my closet i have no idea)
4. the dress i wore to my sister's wedding (ew)
5. about 25 black turtlenecks

5 things in my purse:
1. zantac
2. my kids' health cards - just in case
3. a gift card to sportchek
4. my wallet
5. cell phone

5 things in my car:
1. a naked ken doll
2. my most favorite movie of all time - Raise Your Voice (that was sarcasm, if you couldn't tell...)
3. a skirt, in my glove compartment, for carpool days
4. my pliko
5. 4, yes, count them, 4 car seats. shit.

5 people that get tagged:
1. Mandi
2. Chris
3. Christine
4. Becca
5. Jaynee

what say you?

2006-06-16T14:43:00.000-04:00

pregnant or a strangely-angled shot??

Friday's Feast

2006-06-16T09:02:00.000-04:00

Feast Ninety-Eight
Appetizer
What is a word that you use that would not be considered common?
well...i guess because my grandparents only spoke yiddish and german, i have a lot of words that are normal for me to say. but other people don't use them. like kvetch. that's a big one for me. if i say it to people who don't know what it means, they look at me like i'm from Mars. oh, also, Haley can't handle the fact that sometimes i call Isabella "mama" which is short for mamala (Mamala(MAM-ah-lah) Term of endearment, esp. for children.). just a thing i do because that's what my grandparents called me.

Soup
What theme of calendar do you have on your wall this year?
no wall calendar for me.

Salad
Name 3 people you speak with by telephone a regular basis.
my mom
my dad
let's be honest...i don't really speak to anyone else regularly...maybe Sharon...Tova...the Moussadjis? the Opps ("hello?hello?hello?")? my sister? i don't really know. i don't talk to anyone.

Main Course
If you could buy a new outfit for someone you know - who would it be and what would you purchase for them?
am i allowed to buy an outfit for myself? i don't know if i can answer this one without it coming across badly. so, i'll abstain.

Dessert
What is the last beverage you drank?
drinking it right now...grande nonfat one splenda latte.

NOTES and such

2006-06-15T19:17:00.000-04:00

note #1 - to all of you people who think i'm a bad mother and let my daughter get herself in dangerous situations...you know who you are...(Stephanie...) - i assure you that both my nanny and i were on the scene - right on top of her - lest she dare do something that could injure her. i just wanted to get it on film ("mommy? what's film?"). also, this is child #3 for me - and i've managed to keep them all in once piece so far...so there...nanananana.

note #2 - Haley told me that I should have given Beth credit for the term pretend celebrity boyfriend. i didn't realize that was hers. i got it from my friend...you know, the one who loves Adam Brody and Luke Wilson, the one who wants to remain nameless (of course, since she has bad taste in boyfriends...) but, Beth, if it IS your term, i'm sorry that i swiped it. didn't mean to. either way, you get a shout-out :)

PCB Part Deux: The Challenge

2006-06-15T11:59:00.000-04:00

So...a whole long time ago, i posted this. a list of my 20 pretend celebrity boyfriends.
now, a year and a half later, my list has changed. some are still there. mmm...Jared Leto. Some are no longer...Jacob Young...who?

so, for today, a day that i just don't feel like doing ANYTHING at work, i propose a challenge.
list your pcb's or pcg's.
you get five. and only five. (therein lies the challenge. it was hard to come up with ONLY five!!)
and you don't have to give reasons.
and there will be no judging...well, not TOO much judging.

here are mine, in no particular order:
Jude Law

Jared Leto

Ryan Gosling

Patrick Dempsey

Josh Duhamel

oh my goodness. there are so many people i want to add to that list...but i'm fighting the urge...

also, trying to figure out if there's a theme here....i think it's the broody types. with powerful eyes. yep, that's it.

Bugger It

2006-06-14T08:49:00.000-04:00

look at what i can do, Mama!!

great.

public service announcement

2006-06-13T11:59:00.000-04:00

i've been seeing them everywhere.
white eyelet. shirts. skirts. what have you.
i have this bizzaro love for eyelet fabric, and it stems all the way back to my childhood. my bedding growing up was white eyelet. so, you can see how it's somewhat nostalgic for me.
and now it's all over the place.

so, i bought a skirt.
i've been resisting and resisting.
but it was on sale. and i couldn't resist any longer.
i fought the urge. but the urge won.

but, white is tough, man...
what do you wear with white? Tova says black. with red accessories.
and how can i possibly wear white with three little kids? i'm always dirty. surely, white will show mess.
and as sharon so politely put it, "white is unforgiving."

well, i dared to wear it to work this morning.
with a black shirt.
and a red necklace.
and i'm still clean (keep your fingers crossed)
but i'm self- conscious as hell.
so, if you see me...please just tell me it looks good.
even if it doesn't.
thanks.

The Aquamoms...AKA Entourage

2006-06-12T10:25:00.000-04:00

yes, folks, it's back. and it's better than ever.

notable notables:
~~Ari at the "gym"- priceless.
~~The glass bowl full of quarters for the parking meter. i love Lloyd. LOVED his "Your finger?" comment.
~~Mrs. Ari. love her.
~~James Woods. he's fuckin' hilarious.
~~jury's still out on Vince's hair. i'll let you know. sometimes it looked good, but sometimes it looked like he was the victim of "soft water" or something (like that Seinfeld episode...)

porker.

2006-06-11T14:53:00.000-04:00

this morning my daughter ate a cream cheese sandwich.
an entire cream cheese sandwich.
i don't know whether to cry because, mommy, baby food in a jar, is like, so last month.
or to celebrate because my other two children don't.do.sandwiches.
sure they like toppings just fine. cream cheese, peanut butter what have you. but, as soon as it's sandwiched between two slices of bread, it doesn't get eaten. or it gets licked out. seriously. crackers. fine. rice cakes. fine. but bread? um, no, not going to happen. i wish i had their restraint when it comes to bread. i could eat an entire loaf in a sitting.
but my porky Bella, she's of an entirely different breed, it seems.
if it's edible, or even if it's not edible, she'll have it.
if it's not related to baby food in any shape or form, she's all over it. like a cheap suit.
i must admit. baby food? easy. a meal in less than thirty seconds (would be less but i can never fucking open those baby food jars on the first try). you know EXACTLY how much your child is eating. takes zero creativity.
now? i have to think at every meal. what can i feed her? what might she like? what won't she choke on? oh yeah...and there's all the things she can't have....honey, fish, egg whites (or is it yolks...who can remember these things), tomatoes (someone said no tomatoes...but i think we passed this since she's eating pizza and meat sauce on a regular basis...). it's all so complicated.
also? we still don't have any teeth.
are there foods that can't be eaten without teeth? everyone always makes the steak/teeth comments (usually old men. it's a staple "oh, just wait until she has teeth, she'll be eating steak in no time!") can i not give her steak? surely, she can gum it until she swallows, no?

on the catwalk

2006-06-09T09:39:00.000-04:00

My boss, a chronic flat-wearer, is baffled by the fact that i wear heels to work almost every single day. well, she's tall. really tall. so, she doesn't NEED to wear heels.
i, on the other hand, suffer from both short-girl syndrome and looking-like-you're-16 syndrome (both real i tell you!!), and need the heels to give me a little height and to make me look like less of a baby.
yesterday she came by my desk and said, "Alicia, later on we are going to make you run in those." causing everyone who was near to burst into hysterics.
i shocked them all by telling them that there are women who not only RUN in heels, but they also aerobicize in them.
yes, it's true.

The class is called Stiletto Strength.

and it is done, well, in your stilettos. (actually, truth be told, only the last 15 minutes is actually done in heels)

Donna Cyrus, a former Broadway dancer and soap-opera actress, came up with the idea for the "Stiletto Strength" class after hearing women complain about the pain they felt from wearing high heels. So she designed a class that focuses on developing strength in the areas of the body that could help women walk in high heels for longer periods of time and without pain.

She says, "A lot of the exercises are what dancers like the Rockettes or people who do Broadway shows do. They have to be in shoes or high heels sometimes for five shows a day."

Christina Sears, 21, another instructor, says the class is focused on tucking in the abdominals, pulling up and holding one's head high while building leg strength. It's also about feeling good about yourself, feeling strong, and promoting great posture.

i don't know. after a day of walking around the office, climbing up and down the three flights of stairs at work, driving carpool, and chasing after my crawling baby, i just want to take my heels off. and walk around with NOTHING on. (well, nothing on my feet....get your minds out of the gutter)
I can't imagine bringing that discomfort into the gym.
yes, heels are sexy. 100%. but heels at the gym are not. sexy at the gym is a new pair of Nikes and some lululemon pants.
I think i'll stick to wearing heels to the office only. but, sorry boss, there won't be any running happening in them.

overheard...

2006-06-08T11:21:00.000-04:00

this morning the kiddies were all in my bed and the husband and i were getting ready for work.
i overheard this:
"Stop it, Emily!"
"Josh. you go to Daddy's side. i want to be on Mommy's side."
"I don't want to be on Daddy's side because he stinks."
"Is that because he sleeps naked?"

bwah.
that was funny.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

last night Emily was in her room, playing before bed.
i overheard this:
singing, in tune, "Once upon a lookin' for Donna time, she was a 16 year old Mansion. Oh, Donna, oh oh Donna, oh oh oh, Lookin' for my Donna."
anyone who has ever seen or listened to Hair knows that the word is not Mansion, but Virgin.

bwah.
that was also funny.

my kids are a riot.
i can't get enough of them.

nasty rumors...

2006-06-06T18:01:00.000-04:00

can anyone confirm???

the word on the street is that Entourage star Jeremy Piven has been given the boot.
Ari Gold will no longer be respresenting Vincent Chase.

say it ain't so.
please.
i'm in love with Jeremy Piven and his role as Ari Gold was, well, for lack of a better word, gold.

EDITED TO ADD:
it seems that our Jeremy wasn't fired from Entourage. just from his publicist. or agent. or something. it really doesn't matter. as long as he's still Ari.

babies and such

2006-06-06T11:48:00.000-04:00

my friend Sharon went back to work this week and the first thing they asked her - after coming back from maternity leave with child #3 - was if she was done having kids. if i were a betting man, i'd say she's not, but that's neither here nor there.

everywhere i go people ask me if i'm done. work. my mother. my hairdresser "so...is the factory closed?"
truth? i think so. but how do you really know??
in my mind i guess i always thought we'd have 4 kids. i'm not sure why, but in the jewish world, that seems to be a big number for people. lots have three or five even, few have only 2, but most seem to have 4. the husband once said it's a doubling of the population thing. if every couple has 4 kids, etc.
but, then reality sets in.
~children are expensive. it's a fact. jewish day school? expensive. camp? expensive. clothing? expensive. it's all very expensive. one less child means more money to go around to the three that i already have. i know it seems unfair to not have a child because of money....but, let's be honest, it's a factor.
~i'm terrified of having problems. not that i wouldn't love this child any less. no way. but, i thank god every day for the three gorgeous healthy children that i have and for having three easy pregnancies without complications. is it fair to tempt fate again?? i keep hearing about people who have hard pregnancies. bleeding. miscarriages. losing parts of placentas. placenta previas. holes in hearts. missing kidneys. club feet. now, in many of these cases, things turned out fine and were only scares. but, i'll be honest. i'm scared. i'm really scared. and i wasn't this scared when i had the other three. it's different now. and i can't shake it.
~having children is a lot of work. a lot of work. i don't know if i'm ready to take on another piece of work. he.
~my body. i have issues with it. let's be honest, that's not a secret. being pregnant was really hard on me emotionally and mentally and it was a lot of work to get it back - and i'm not yet down to where i want to be. it would be hard at this point to turn around and do that to my body again. i know it's kind of selfish, but i'm willing to admit it, at least.

so, i'm in a really strange place right now. my family feels full. it feels right.
but, does that mean i won't have another newborn ever again? i won't ever be pregnant...or feel kicking inside...or deliver a baby...or talk about baby names....or breastfeed... it seems to strange to think about that.
so, i guess the "factory" isn't completely closed - no hysterectomies or anything - but for now we are complete.

Big Pimpin'

2006-06-05T11:47:00.000-04:00

Anyone in the GTA looking to hire a nanny?
No. I’m not trying to get rid of mine.

The truth is, Jhoanne-y the nanny and I have been on great terms since I went back to work. I think my being home and in her face and the fact that I didn’t know whether or not I would have to let her go put a strain on our relationship. But, with me back at work, and her back at work, things have been pretty great.
Well, minus a few small setbacks….

there is the fact that I’m pretty sure she’s bulimic. Yeah. Pretty sure. you can’t live with someone and NOT know these things. I feel bad for her, that’s the truth. But I’m no longer jealous of her body.

There's the fact that she doesn’t read expiration dates. Usually, I’m good at making sure there’s NOTHING past its prime in the fridge. I won’t touch milk even if it’s like 3 days before the date on the carton, so I would never let my kids drink it. on Thursday I came home and was surprised to see that jhoanne had bought a new carton of milk, since we were out. When I went to look at it, however, I noticed that it wasn’t new. Almost empty, in fact. “Jho, where did you get that milk?” “oh, in the back of the fridge.” Date. April 27th. Holy shit. “jho, did the kids drink it?” “Oh, Emily wouldn’t. but I put chocolate sauce in Joshie’s and he drank the whole thing.” Holy shit. I’m really the worst mother in the world. Thank god he didn’t get sick. April 27th. That’s more than a month.

There’s the fact that she can’t do laundry to save her life. She washed dry clean only things. She doesn’t treat stains and they get set in. she doesn’t iron anything that needs ironing. She shrinks things to baby-sized.

There’s the fact that she doesn’t tell me when we are low on things. Detergents, cleaning supplies…these aren’t the biggest deal. But over the weekend, she failed to let me know we were out of diapers. So, on Sunday morning, we showed up to a birthday party with Isabella in a pull up. it was either a pull up or a little swimmer. We chose the pull up. we tried to stop at shoppers drug mart to buy some diapers, but the party started at 9:30. yes. In the morning. And none of them were open until 10. yes, I’ll say it again. I really am the worst mother in the world.

Anyway, the point is that my nanny is going into business.
The nanny business, actually.
She has got herself a business card and has set herself up with a partner and everything. She's going to bring them over from Hong Kong.
I’m actually happy for her and impressed that she wants to do something like this. she says that she knows what the nannies are looking for and what the employers are looking for. since she's been there. and all her friends have been there. and she's right. she knows more than most agents would.
so, i'm going to try to help her however i can.
and i guess, worst comes to worse, if her business goes really well and she leaves me, she can hook me up with a good nanny (hopefully one without an eating disorder). because now i've got connections...

All Potatoes and No Meat

2006-06-05T10:07:00.000-04:00

thus ends the Sopranos season. i have only two words. anti and climactic.
i don't know whether to be disappointed or impressed that The Sopranos dares to be different and leaves us without the typical cliffhanger.
best part of the episode? Dr. Melfi says the "f" word. who knew she had it in her?

out of the mouths of babes...

2006-06-04T16:31:00.000-04:00

Joshua: Mommy? I can see your bum bum and it has a big red circle on it
Me: Joshie, that's a bruise.
Joshua: you mean, like Bruise Wayne?

(okay...seriously...this bruise is hideous. and no, it's not actually my bum. cuz there's no way i would have posted that. it's my hip. and those of you who were at Zimri's birthday party this morning can back me up on this one.
and now it's even more hideous that i've posted a giant-sized photo of it. ick. i may have to take it down. )

don't shoot.

2006-06-01T10:03:00.000-04:00

okay...seriously...don't hate me...but i think Nicole Richie looks good here. yeah, she's skinny and has NO boobs to speak of (and the area in-between her cleavage is slightly scary and skeletal) but i don't think she looks TOO skinny.

Blurred Vision

2006-05-31T10:28:00.000-04:00

this week has been such a blur and it's only wednesday.

it could be from the fact that it's an uncharacteristically warm week - between 95-100 degrees out. i love the heat, don't get me wrong. i LOVE the heat. i just don't like it when i'm inside.
when the sun in shining and i'm outside - i love it. when your a/c is on the fritz and it's BOILING hot in your bedroom, for some odd reason, it's less enjoyable for me.

it could be because i haven't seen my husband all week. husband? wait...am i even married??? between baseball, meetings, subway strikes and more meetings, i really have not seen him at all. he comes home after i'm already in bed. it's a vicious circle. he's not home to help me at dinner and bedtime, so i'm wiped by 9 pm. when he gets home at 10 and wants me to be awake, i don't have the energy. i.don't.have.the.power.

it could be because my son was left at school. it could be because my daughter had a presentation that i missed. or because i had to do the frustrating ballet pickup/commute/screeching kids/hilaryduffmovie drive TWICE this week instead of once. or because my friends are fighting and don't like it. not one bit. it could be because i keep hearing about people who don't like me (which is NEVER, EVER a nice thing to hear, regardless of the reason).

i can't believe it's only wednesday.

I have been coughing up blood AKA The Apprentice

2006-05-30T11:13:00.000-04:00

~~I've been coughing up blood as well. it's a natural reaction to Lee's three choices.
i mean, i knew he'd take Lenny. but Pepi? who the hell even is that?

~~Carolyn's laughter on not knowing who Pepi was one of the best reality TV show moments ever. She was about to CRY, people!

~~was anyone else bothered by Tammy's non-reaction to Andrea's medical emergency??

~~"I'm in there like swimwear." both lame and creepy.

~~If Lee loses this is will be Lenny's fault.

~~Poor, poor Brent and his hovering of desperation.

~~um, yeah, much like the finale of American Idol, i really couldn't give a crap who wins this thing.

welcome to our ool. notice there's no p in it. he.

2006-05-29T13:03:00.000-04:00

our friends have a pool.
this automatically brings back memories of when i was 16. and people came crawling out of the woodwork to be my friend because i had a car in 10th grade.

we were friends with them before the pool. for the record.

but i was thrilled to go swimming yesterday. (we were the second friends to use it....i told Jack as long as we made the top 5 i was happy...).

my body is not-ready-for-pool, though, and i have a giant, scary-ass bruise on my upper thigh (it's from my infant seat that, yes, isabella is WAY to giant for...i know, i know, mad mother....), and i was suffering from end-of-the-weekend bloat-ious maximus. good thing i have my miracle suit that makes me look skinny. woohoo. also, i'm white. pasty, pasty white.

Emily is a daredevil. and not scared of anything. she was ready to go leaping off the diving board.

Joshua is a big red chicken. the only way we were even able to lure him into the pool at all was because he's more afraid of their dog and Jazzy doesn't go in the water, so to Josh, the pool was a jazzy-safe environment.

Isabella is a mellow little kitten. she had a blast splashing and kicking and just being in the water. she definitely had the best time of anyone. what a cutie.

i still have no tan to speak of, but i guess it's still only May.